The Hardman Family

Getting to Know You

2012-01-22T12:26:00.003-07:00

1. What was the first thing that attracted you two to each other?

Matthew's smile.

Mele's eyes and smile.

2. Do you think that physical attributes are more important to maintaining a successful relationship or do you think that friendship maintains a relationship?

Both. Your spouse has to become your best friend if you want the best relationship. We also don't feel it's fair to let your body go once you're married and force your spouse to accept it. People are the way they are, but you can always work at looking good for your spouse whether you're thin or not. For us, mostly it's being happy with the who we are and what we are rather than the outside.

3. Do you think it's ok to keep noticing another woman/man after you are in a committed relationship? Does this change when you are married?

My wife checks out women more than I do and she always says, Hon, look at how pretty she is?" Or pays them some sort of compliment" Just because you get married doesn't mean the opposite sex becomes unattractive. It's definitely not appropriate to lust or make your spouse feel less by checking out someone else, but there are beautiful people out there.

4. What were you thinking about right before you kissed each other for the first time?

Matt: "I'm going in for the kill."

Mele: "This is the moment." Oh wait, I actually said that out loud.

5. What is one of the most funny or embarrassing things that has happened to you – maybe you laughed later?

We would have to say the Canoe accident. Definitely laugh about it now, but not when we had to pay $2,500 bucks to fix the damages.

6. What is one of the most romantic times you've ever had together?

Hum, this is a great question. I know many may feel that this answer is sappy, but it's true. We have had several. Most of our romantic moments have involved little money and little prep time. When the love is flowing, we're both putting each other first, showing cherishment, compassion and then sharing in the that moment as husband and wife, nothing is better than that.

7. Tell a time when you really felt close to your spouse.

Matt: Whether we are holding each other, rubbing up on each other as we pass in the kitchen, or as we tell each other, "I love you," when we hang up the phone. There is no one closer to me in this world than my sweetheart.

Mele: When my husband finds me crying and either picks me up or sits with me and holds me until I'm done and wipes my tears away.

8. How do you feel about arguing?

Arguing is inevitable but must be controlled. It is important and healthy to share your opinion and speak your mind, but not when it involves hurting your loved one or bringing feelings not of the spirit into the relationship. It is also extremely important to pick your battles and avoid unnecessary contention.

9. What two or three problems, if solved, would make the most positive difference in your marriage?

School over with, finding a winning lotto ticket, and the ex going missing.

10. How does jealousy effect your marriage?

Jealousy was never part of our friendship, therefore it's not part of our marriage. A huge part of that, we feel, is due to being secure in our relationship and never doubting our decision to be together. Of course everyone gets jealous from time to time, but it's never been an issue for our marriage.

11. Who is the most protective spouse in your marriage?

Probably Mele. She's extremely protective over me, not in a possessive way, but loving way. If anyone says or does anything to put me down, Mele usually respectfully puts them in their place. However, I would go to hell and back for my girls to keep them safe and to defend them.

12. Who dated the most before you got married?

Matt: Mele and I were mainly relationship type of people in high school and college, but we still dated plenty. Since Mele is older, I'd say she has dated more and since she left several men heart broken.

Mele: I'd say it was probably equal, but Matt was a ladies man for sure.

13. If you saw an ex and your spouse was with you, would it be awkward?

Mele: Depends on the ex. Most of them no, maybe one or two yes. I don't have any ill feelings towards any ex's, but I can't say the same of them towards me.

Matt: I don't think so. I think we'd both walk away teasing each other about it.

14. Who comes first, kids or spouse?

It's hard not to be mama bear, but I'm mama bear towards Matt too. We don't like looking at it as who comes first, because it's not fair making someone choose. We try looking at things more as who's right rather than taking sides. We don't condone negative behavior or mistreatment regardless of who's right or wrong. Sometimes spouse and child are both right, but need to work it out between themselves. Sometimes one of us is wrong and we have to humble ourselves and admit it. Majority of the time, each of us knows what we could have done better.

15. What's the most attractive feature about your spouse?

Matt: Though my wife's physical features are beautiful in every aspect of the word; I would have to say her most attractive feature is her bubbly personality. She is always the highlight of the party and, as hard as it is to believe, her personality outshines her smile any day.

Mele: I love Matthew's body from his legs to his smile. He is very well proportioned. Since he paid me such a nice compliment, what's most attractive about Matthew is his compassion and empathy towards people. He has such a way with people.

16. What advice would you give to newly married couples?

Don't mold your marriage according to someone else's. You may have an idea of what is right in marriage, but your spouse may feel different. Within a marriage, there is always two or more ways of handling an issue, but your two's behavior while working it through is where the right and wrong comes in. The two of you must work out what is best for both of you, not what one feels is best for both of you. Put your spouse's needs above your own and you will quickly find unity in your marriage.

Family Photo's 2012

2012-01-17T17:13:00.009-07:00

We finally had new family pictures taken. We decided to go to Foto Fly because its quick, fast, cheap, and they do a great job. We had a lot of fun with the photographer, he was so great with Leilaa and took extra time with us. This was a great way to bring in the New Year!

Shabby Apple

2012-01-12T09:23:00.003-07:00

I found a new love and had to share.
I heart Shabby Apple

Mormon Survey

2012-01-12T09:19:00.001-07:00

As the "Mormon moment" extends into 2012, the Pew Research Center's Forum on Religion & Public Life Thursday releases a groundbreaking new survey, the first ever published by a non-LDS research organization to focus exclusively on members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and their beliefs, values, perceptions and political preferences.

Entitled "Mormons in America: Certain in Their Beliefs, Uncertain of Their Place in Society," the survey was conducted between Oct. 25 and Nov. 16, 2011, among a national sample of 1,019 respondents who identified themselves as Mormons. The results validate a number of long-held stereotypes (most American Mormons are white, well-educated, politically conservative and religiously observant) while providing a few interesting surprises (care for the poor and needy is high on the list of LDS priorities, while drinking coffee and watching R-rated movies aren't as taboo among the rank and file as you might think).

"While this survey comes amid a contentious election campaign, it is not solely or even chiefly about politics," said Luis Lugo, Pew Research Center director, in the published survey's preface. "Rather, we hope that it will contribute to a broader public understanding of Mormons and Mormonism at a time of great interest in both."

For example, in one very interesting section of the new survey, respondents were asked several questions about what is essential to being a good Mormon. According to the survey, 80 percent said "believing Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ" is essential to being a good Mormon, 73 percent said "working to help the poor," 51 percent said "regular Family Home Evenings," 49 percent said "not drinking coffee and tea" and 32 percent said "not watching R-rated movies.

"To be honest, I found the strong sentiment that 'working to help the poor' is essential to being a good Mormon refreshing and a little surprising," said David Campbell, an LDS Church member who is an associate professor at the University of Notre Dame and who consulted with the Pew Research Center on the new survey. "As a Mormon, I would hope it would be that way, but I wasn't sure what to expect. It's good to see the church's genuine compassion for the poor and needy reflected in these numbers."

People outside the church may or may not be aware of the LDS propensity for compassionate service and other distinctive characteristics. According to the survey, 62 percent of Mormons think that Americans are generally uninformed about Mormonism, and 68 percent feel that they are not viewed as part of mainstream American society. But they remain optimistic, with 63 percent expressing the belief that Mormonism will eventually become part of mainstream society and 56 percent saying that the American people are ready for a Mormon president.

In fact, optimism is one of the themes to emerge from the survey relative to Latter-day Saints. Some 87 percent say they are satisfied with the way things are going in their own life, and 92 percent say their respective communities are excellent (52 percent) or good (40 percent) places to live (this is especially true among Mormons in Utah, of whom 71 percent say their communities are excellent).

But evidently, optimism only goes so far with Mormons.

"I think it is interesting that the respondents are overwhelmingly positive about their communities. They love their communities and everything's fine there," said Marie Cornwall, professor of sociology at Brigham Young University and another advisor to the Pew Research Center on this study. "But when you ask them about the way things are going in the country today, they are overwhelmingly (75 percent) dissatisfied. You would think that their satisfaction with their personal lives would factor into their feelings about how things are going in the country, but there seems to be a total disconnect there."

It should be noted that the Mormon view of how things are going in the country today closely resembles the view of the American public as a whole, among whom 78 percent said they were dissatisfied in an October 2011 Pew Research Center survey.

Generally speaking, the new survey looks at Mormons and their perspectives in four key areas: politics and ideology, religious beliefs and practices, cultural and moral issues and family life.

Politically, there are few surprises. Most Mormons (66 percent) describe themselves as politically conservative, and 74 percent of Mormon voters identify with or lean toward the Republican Party. Philosophically, 75 percent of respondents said they prefer a smaller government providing fewer services to a bigger government providing more services.

Among a number of politicians currently in the spotlight, Mitt Romney is a favorite, being viewed favorably by 86 percent of all Mormons and 94 percent of Mormon Republicans. Even among Mormon Democrats, 62 percent rate Romney favorably.

The other Mormon running for president, Jon Huntsman, is viewed favorably by 50 percent of Mormon voters, while President Barack Obama is viewed favorably by 25 percent — slightly ahead of the rating Mormons bestowed upon another one of their own: Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (22 percent).

Interestingly, Latter-day Saints seem to be somewhat divided on the issue of immigration. They are fairly evenly split on whether immigrants strengthen the U.S. because of their hard work and talents (45 percent) or burden the U.S. by taking American jobs, housing and health care (41 percent).

Campbell, who is an expert in the field of religion, politics and civic engagement, said he wasn't surprised by that result.

"Although Mormons are caricatured as being really right wing, on the issue of immigration they are not," he said. "The church itself has been quite a voice of moderation on this issue, and that has resulted in Mormons being more positive toward immigrants than other conservative religious groups tend to be."

Campbell suggests that the LDS Church's missionary program has something to do with that, with Latter-day Saints tending to develop a broader worldview as a result of their missionary service around the world. In any event, he said, "this result really does cut against the stereotype."

In terms of religious beliefs and practices, the survey makes it clear that Mormons are highly religious — again, not a big surprise. Eighty-two percent say that religion is very important in their lives, and 77 percent say they believe wholeheartedly in all of the church's teachings. Fully 83 percent say they pray every day, 79 percent say they donate 10 percent of their earnings to the church in tithing and 77 percent say they attend church at least once a week. According to Pew, "Mormons exhibit higher levels of religious commitment than many other religious groups, including white evangelical Protestants."

Looking at basic, core religious beliefs, 98 percent say they believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ, 94 percent believe the president of the LDS Church is a prophet of God, 95 percent believe that families can be bound together eternally in temple ceremonies, 94 percent believe that God the Father and Jesus Christ are separate, physical beings and 91 percent believe that the Book of Mormon was written by ancient prophets.

Clearly, Mormons are believers.

But are they Christian? Ninety-seven percent of Mormons think so. And when asked to volunteer the one word that best describes Mormons, the most common responses were "Christian" and "Christ-centered." By way of contrast, a November Pew Research Center survey found that nearly half (49 percent) of non-Mormon U.S. adults say that Mormonism is NOT Christian or that they are unsure whether or not it is Christian. In that same survey, when respondents were asked for one word that best describes the LDS Church, the most commonly offered response was "cult."

Culturally, Mormon conservatism extends to a wide variety of moral issues. Polygamy (86 percent), sex between unmarried adults (79 percent), abortion (74 percent) and drinking alcohol (54 percent) are viewed as morally wrong. Divorce, on the other hand, is largely considered "not a moral issue" by respondents (46 percent).

Similarly, 65 percent of respondents said that homosexuality should be discouraged by society, compared with 58 percent of the general public who say homosexuality should be accepted by society.

"Mormons like to use the phrase, 'Be in the world but not of the world,'" Campbell noted. "They are active and involved in their communities, but they have these beliefs and practices that set them apart a little bit, and sometimes that creates conflict or tension. (Homosexuality) is one of those issues where, rightly or wrongly, Mormons just have a different position than most of the rest of America."

The survey also illustrates how important family life is to most members of the LDS Church. Among life's priorities, being a good parent (81 percent) and having a successful marriage (73 percent) place higher than career concerns, having free time or even living a religious life. Some 67 percent of Mormon adults are married (compared with 52 percent of the general public), and 85 percent of them are married to another Mormon.

"As the Church and its members are increasingly the focus of media attention, we're eager to participate in conversations that help the public get to know us better," said LDS Church spokesman Michael Purdy. "Even though the recent Pew study did not survey any of the Church's eight million members who live outside the U.S., it highlights some important aspects regarding who we are and what we believe.

"For example," Purdy continued, "the study found that Church members subscribe to traditional Christian beliefs, have high moral standards, are overwhelmingly satisfied with their lives and communities, are active in serving others and have a profound dedication to family. These results reflect the Church's message that a deep commitment to the teachings of Jesus Christ brings lasting happiness."

Speaking for the Pew Research Center, Lugo said the idea for the survey was born last summer, "around the time that a Newsweek cover story and a New York Times article declared that the United States was experiencing a 'Mormon moment.'"

"That got us thinking," Lugo said in the survey's preface. "Over the years, numerous polls have gauged public attitudes toward Mormons, who make up about 2 percent of all U.S. adults. But what do Mormons think about their place in American life? With the rising prominence of members of the LDS Church in politics, popular culture and the media, do Mormons feel more secure and accepted in American society? What do they think about other religions? What do they believe, how do they practice their faith and what do they see as essential to being a good Mormon and to leading a good life?"

An advisory panel was recruited to help the Pew Forum staff create the survey. The panel featured a number of Latter-day Saints who have professional experience in Mormon studies and research, including Campbell, Cornwall, Matthew Bowman of Hampden-Sydney College, Terryl Givens of the University of Richmond and Allison Pond of the Deseret News.

"We helped them to formulate the questions, and to frame them in the kind of language that Mormons use," Campbell said.

After a period of testing, the survey was conducted among respondents who identified themselves as Mormons (it also included qualifying questions that made it clear that respondents were members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as opposed to other churches whose members may refer to themselves as Mormons).

"Since Mormons represent about 2 percent of the population, you'd have to call 98 people before you'd get a Mormon, and that would be very expensive," said Cornwall, who is also editor of the Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion. "But they had a fancy way of finding Mormons, including going back to Mormons they had found in the course of doing previous surveys, so they were able to get their sample in a cost-effective way."

Care was also taken to make sure the survey included those who had land lines as well as those who have only cell phones — a growing area of concern among those who conduct public opinion research today.

Among other interesting findings of the Pew Forum's survey of Mormons:

71 percent of respondents reside in the American West, including 53 percent who live in the Mountain states and 34 percent who live in Utah;

88 percent are white, 7 percent Hispanic, 1 percent black and 4 percent other racial and ethnic backgrounds;

50 percent say that evangelical Christians are generally unfriendly to Mormons;

54 percent say that the way their religion is portrayed on television and in movies hurts society's image of Mormons;

57 percent of Mormons said that most or all of their close friends are other Mormons (this number was significantly higher in Utah, where the number climbed to 73 percent);

65 percent of respondents say they hold a current temple recommend;

27 percent say they believe in yoga not just as exercise but as a spiritual practice;

11 percent say they believe in reincarnation;

74 percent were raised in the LDS Church;

59 percent of converts cite the church's beliefs as the main reason they joined the church;

59 percent of converts joined the church between the ages of 18 and 35;

27 percent have served a full-time mission, including 43 percent of men and 11 percent of women;

82 percent say they have a supply of food in storage, and 58 percent keep at least a three-month supply.

The margin of error for the survey is +/- 4.5 percentage points.

"I think this survey is a really good summary of the hyper-committed Mormon community that shows up at church every week," Cornwall said. "I'm not sure it captures Mormons on the margins very well, but that's OK — hopefully we can do that the next time. Meanwhile, this is a pretty good picture — and an interesting picture — of Mormons."

New Year Goals

2012-01-05T11:34:00.005-07:00

Matthew and I have been contemplating our New Year Resolutions for the past couple of weeks. We have mostly decided that this year we are going to focus on goals that will unite us closer as a family.
This morning I was reading the January Ensign and came across this talk by President Thomas S. Monson and felt this was a great beginning to start our goals and wanted to share with all.

Living the Abundant Life
At the advent of a new year, I challenge Latter-day Saints everywhere to undertake a personal, diligent, significant quest for what I call the abundant life—a life filled with an abundance of success, goodness, and blessings. Just as we learned the ABCs in school, I offer my own ABCs to help us all gain the abundant life.

Have a Positive Attitude
A in my ABCs refers to attitude. William James, a pioneering American psychologist and philosopher, wrote, “The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.
So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment.
Charles Swindoll—author, educator, and Christian pastor—said: “Attitude, to me, is more important than … the past, … than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We can’t direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. For maximum happiness, peace, and contentment, may we a positive attitude.

Believe in Yourself
B is for believe—in yourself, in those around you, and in eternal principles.
Be honest with yourself, with others, and with your Heavenly Father. One who was not honest with God until it was too late was Cardinal Wolsey who, according to Shakespeare, spent a long life in service to three sovereigns and enjoyed wealth and power. Finally, he was shorn of his power and possessions by an impatient king. Cardinal Wolsey cried:
"Had I but served my God with half the zeal. I served my king, He would not in mine age Have left me naked to mine enemies.
Thomas Fuller, an English churchman and historian who lived in the 17th century, penned this truth: “He does not believe that does not live according to his belief.
Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do. Believe in yourself and then live so as to reach your possibilities.
You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith.

Face Challenges with Courage
C is for courage. Courage becomes a worthwhile and meaningful virtue when it is regarded not so much as a willingness to die manfully but as a determination to live decently.
Said the American essayist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide on, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.
There will be times when you will be frightened and discouraged. You may feel that you are defeated. The odds of obtaining victory may appear overwhelming. At times you may feel like David trying to fight Goliath. But remember—David did win!
Courage is required to make an initial thrust toward one’s coveted goal, but even greater courage is called for when one stumbles and must make a second effort to achieve.
Have the determination to make the effort, the single-mindedness to work toward a worthy goal, and the courage not only to face the challenges that inevitably come but also to make a second effort, should such be required. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”
May we remember these ABCs as we begin our journey into the new year, cultivating a positive attitude, a belief that we can achieve our goals and resolutions, and the courage to face whatever challenges may come our way. Then the abundant life will be ours.

Christmas Surprise

2011-12-27T17:12:00.011-07:00

This Christmas season has been absolutely wonderful. We started off the holidays with Black Friday shopping and then attended the "Savior of the World" play with my family and friends, along with a nice walk around Temple Square. We attend family Christmas parties and spent a lot of time with each other and family.

The best part of the holidays was having my Matthew home. There was nothing I wanted more than to just be with my sweetheart and I got it. The second best part of this Christmas holiday was doing our Secret Santa. I can't go into much detail, but it 100% made this Christmas memorable. We had a small Christmas this year, so that we could make sure another family had more. Giving is greatest gift.
The third best part of this holiday was my gift from my sweetheart. Continue reading and you'll see what it is...

Grandpa got some super new sexy undies.

I had to take a photo of my Yaya sleeping. She still sleeps as did when she was baby. I call it the Frog. She also loves to sleep with her neck pillow, it's so funny.

While Matt went and picked Leilaa up from her Dad's, while they were gone, I made them french toast and hot chocolate. When Leilaa walked through the door I had the Justin Bieber Christmas cd playing. She walked in, screamed and immediately started dancing and then bolted for the gifts. It was so dang cute. My little Diva.

We didn't know what to get Leilaa for Christmas since she has a lot. So we focused on clothes, a couple of toys and educational stuff, Leap Ipad. She was very happy with her gifts so that's all that matters.

And what did Daddy get?

A surround sound system. He's been wanting this since the day we got married, so I finally delivered on it.

Oh and of course Leilaa got Justin Bieber stuff.

To end the morning, our mostly cherished little adopted neighbor came
to greet us a Merry Christmas.
This was a great end to a fabulous Christmas morning!

For our New Christmas dinner, we made lobster and steak for my family. It was so fun to break open the lobster, pull it out and then cook them. The dinner turned out so great. My husband is an amazing bbqer.

And this is my adorable sister showing off her Christmas socks. So cute!
Ok, are you ready to see my Christmas gift?...
Tada! That's right, my spouse has planned a trip to Maui from June 15-22 and my family is coming. YEAH! I am praying that nothing big happens from now until June. With our luck something could happen, but either way, we're going and it's all planned.
I hope all of you had a memorable Christmas and New year.
We love you!

Tis the Season

2011-12-06T18:50:00.016-07:00

Merry Christmas
I absolutely love Christmas and Valentines Day. They are the two season's during the year that are filled with love. I love coming together as a family and putting up decorations, all the baking, music, plays, and opportunities to serve. The Christmas Season is a time to give unselfishly and remember those you love the most and those who are in need.
We already have our family picked out who we're going to help and I can't wait to give our gift of love this year.
So far this year we have been a little busy with Matt barely getting home, him still working up at Hill AFB, church callings, and just life. We usually get our tree up Thanksgiving weekend, but were too tired, so we did it this last weekend. We had so much fun!

SMOOCH What's a christmas tree without a little BLING My mom has always decorated our family tree growing up with crystals and she now has loving passed a few of them onto me. I LOVE IT!

HOLIDAY BAKING
Every year we always bake something delicious and take it around to neighbors. This year we made Santa Claus cupcakes and they turned out so cute. We made about 100 and still didn't have enough for everyone, so we're gunna have to make more or something else.

Family Home Evening
I had to blog about this because it was so cute. (Don't make fun of my jammies)I bought Leilaa her own little primary childrens hymn book so that she could lead the music more easily, she was so proud of herself and was so cute.

Daddy Got a New Toy

2011-12-06T18:33:00.004-07:00

It was time for Matt to get a new car, so guess what? I sold his car and bought him a new one...ALL BY MYSELF. That's right! I have had about 7 different cars so far and bought them all on my own. I wasn't nervous to buy a car, but I was nervous to buy care without my husbands approval or without him seeing it first. Well I got over that nerv pretty quick and did it anyways. So when he came home, he was greeted with an Nissan Altima with push botton start, v-tech engine, for an amazing deal, amazing interest rate, and super low miles. I am totally giving myself a pat on the back for this one.
I told Matt he better beware, the next time he leaves town I'm going to by a new house all on my own. Matt replied with, "I wouldn't doubt it."

Gobble Gobble Day

2011-12-06T17:50:00.005-07:00

This Thanksgiving dinner couldn't have been better. We cooked, ate, played, laughed, and had such a fun time. First off, of course we had our normal turkey dinner with all the sides and desserts. Then we went around the table and each of us shared what we are grateful for. Then, we played xbox Knecht Dance Party and Wipe Out, napped, ate some more and played more. Holy cow we had a blast and played the knecht for like 3 hours, it was pretty intense and funny. Finally, we all went Black Friday shopping that night and in the morning. We didn't buy a whole lot since there isn't much we need, but it's always fun to be out in the crowds and see the deals. Best Thanksgiving in a long time.

Airman Hardman ~ Welcome Home

2011-12-06T17:37:00.006-07:00

There really isn't a whole lot to say about welcoming Matt home except, OMG we are so HAPPY! This has been a rewarding experience for all of us with lots of growth. I'm so grateful for my husband and his motivation to always succeed. I am so proud of you A1C Hardman!

Girl Time is the Best Time

2011-11-13T12:41:00.008-07:00

This was by far one of the best weekends in a long time. On the same day, I got to have a girls morning with all my best girls from court and then in the evening I got to be with my best girls from the Hardman family.
Saturday morning, I met all my girls from court at Village Inn. (I forgot my camera, so no pics) We talked forever, laughed, and had the best time. I couldn't believe how much I ate. I had two cheese and egg omelets, bacon, strawberry crepes, hash browns, and 2 super large glasses of orange juice and water. I don't think I have ever ate that much for breakfast, and I wasn't overly stuffed. OMG it was so delish!
All the girls went to a movie after breakfast, but I couldn't go. Why? Well you see, I kind of have a problem with doing things on my own. Thursday I sold Matt's car, this next Friday Matt comes home and is carless. So I am on the prowl for a new car for him. Unfortunately, Saturday was a bust and the car I wanted didn't work out. So this next week, I HAVE to find him a car. HAHAHA I know I'm a putts.
Then, after all of that, I met up with my Aunt Stacy, sister-in-law Hailey, and my mom for a girls night. We went to "Normandie Cafe" in Holladay. This is the best little cafe ever. I've been going there for years with my mom and wanted to take my best girls. We had so much fun being together, talking, laughing, crying, telling stories, and just loving being together. When we were done eating, we went back to my moms and stayed up talking until mid-night. My poor husband was pretty much ignored the entire day, but was happy I was out and about.
All I know is I love these girls and can't wait for another girls night in a few weeks.

Our Kindergartner

2011-11-13T11:27:00.003-07:00

Kindergarten couldn't have worked out more perfectly for Leilaa.
I was so nervous picking a school for Leilaa and with Matt not home to help me, it made the decision process even harder. I checked out all the schools around and the one she is supposed to go to I wasn't too impressed with. Also, I really wanted her in a charter school because I feel uniforms are best for children, especially mine since she is a little diva.
About a week before school was to start, I got a call from Odyssey Charter School saying that Leilaa was accepted. Odyssey is in American Fork, so I was also a little nervous about the distance. However, my best friend Elise works there as a director over the special eds department and told me how wonderful the school is; so I decided to go check it out with my mom.
The teachers were wonderful talking to me and coordinating the best teacher for Leilaa. While we were there my friend Elise came to visit and told my mom about a job opening they have for a school counselor and asked her to apply. My mom was currently working at a military facility working with soldier's who have severe PTSD and other problems from war. She loved her job, but it was also very tiring due to the trauma those patients went through. Well, my mom thought it over and decided to give it a shot. Guess what? She got the job and now works at Odyssey as well.
Leilaa's school starts at 8:00 so my mom stays with me during the week and takes Leilaa to school in the morning. Not only does Leilaa get to be with my best friend, she also gets her Nana at school with her too. This really couldn't have worked out better for all of us.
Leilaa is doing amazingly well. I have always been so nervous about her development. For the last year and half, everyday after work we would sit down and do homework together and we read a TON together. I never knew if I was doing enough. Your first child is always the hardest because they're the test subject. Since I have no clue what I am doing most of the time, I just have done the best I know how. Well, it has paid off.
Leilaa is in the top of her class in everything. She is reading books on her own all the time and is excelling better than I thought. She is focused on school and friends rather than on her clothes (which is a huge relief for me), she has adjusted very well and is very happy. I couldn't ask for more.

Our Time Together

2011-11-09T20:26:00.005-07:00

Thursday afternoon, Matthew was to arrive in Vegas to begin his residency training at Nellis AFB. On his way to the airport he got really a bad tension headache, that he ended up in the hospital. They gave him a shot and the next day he flew to Vegas. Come Friday evening, Matt called and asked me to come down. I arrived at about 10:00 and as he walked up to me in the dark, he looked very pale, but he said he felt fine.
The next morning and afternoon was fun. We went on the strip and saw "The JABBAWOCKEEZ" and did some shopping. On our way home Matt said he was getting sick again. That night he was very ill again, all Sunday, and several days to follow. We don't what it was, but man was he sick.
Can I just say how awful it is to have your husband end up in the emergency room, be ill and there is nothing you can do? Just awful, but at least everything is fine now.
Since Matthew has been at Nellis doing his clinicals, he has helped with two vasectomy's, several births, a few c-sections, he has given shots to people in their back all the way into their lung, he witnessed a baby die, but after a few hours it was revived, and lots more. This entire experience for him has been so incredible and exactly what he loves to do. I couldn't be more proud of him.

Vegas Baby - with Yaya

2011-11-09T20:25:00.015-07:00

Let me start off by showing you how wonderful of a father and husband Matthew is. Believe it or not, Matthew will do Leilaa's hair. He can put it in a pony tail, braid, or even curl it. She always reassures him saying, "Your doing a great job Daddy, yeah you are." I don't know about you, but this is a super precious moment for these two. We are both so lucky to have him!

Leilaa and I had so much fun together driving to Vegas, being in Vegas with Daddy, and driving home. Leilaa was so excited to go to "Lost" Vegas. Her friend at school went and bought chipmunk dolls, so Leilaa expressed to us how she HAD to go because her friend went before her.
We took Leilaa to the Mirage to see the lions, tigers and dolphins. We took a video of one of the lion's. This dude was growling at people, was huge, and almost scared the pee out of me. Just watch. The rest of the time we walked the strip, went to other places, and of course did some shopping.
It was a fast trip, but always wonderful to see Daddy and spend time with him.

Airman Hardman's 2nd Trip Home

2011-11-09T20:06:00.008-07:00

This trip home for Matthew was by far one of our best moments together. I wanted to plan something special for us since it was our anniversary. However, neither of us wanted to do anything elaborate. Buying extravagant gifts like hotels, spas, rings, expensive dinners etc, gets tiring and boring. Doing big surprises for each other all the time takes the fun out of it. We feel we constantly have to out do each other or the year before. So we agreed to plan something special for the night, but to only get each other a gift under $10.00.
When Matt flew in his flight arrived early. So I wasn't able meet him inside. Instead, I pulled up, got out of my car, yelled his name so that he could see me and he ran towards me, dropped his bag, and I jumped on him. Ahhh, it was so great to have him in my arms. We immediately got in the car, stopped off at a gas station for snacks and headed to our special spot. Sssshhhh sorry can't say where, it's our special place. I got the 4runner ready and we camped out in it. It was AWESOME! Best view, best company, best everything. When we exchanged gifts, well let's just say Matt totally out did me. He broke the rule and spent $20.00. He bought me a bear named "Wingman" and bought him 3 onesies. He bought wingman for me to help me sleep. He is so much better at the gift thing than I am.
The next morning, we met Matt's sister, my brother, Matt's aunt, uncle and cousin for breakfast at Denny's, we heart Denny's. After that, we all decided to go bowling. Wow, um our Aunt Stacy rocks at bowling. So does Matt and Brady and well Hailey and I just do our best hahaha!
In the evening, it was time for my nephew's baptism. My little nephew Nickolas called Matt and asked him if he would baptize him. It was so precious to see how much Nick looks up to Matthew. I was so honored that he would ask.

October Fun

2011-11-09T19:55:00.014-07:00

First off, I want to introduce you to the newest member of our family. This little man's name is "Wingman." Matthew brought him home to us a couple of weeks back and even bought him few onesies. Leilaa is dying for a little brother or sister, so Daddy brought home a baby boy. YEA! Matt actually bought Wingman for me to sleep with. Leilaa asked if she could take turns sleeping with Wingman; of course I agreed. Then, later that day she says, "Mommy, we don't have take turns sleeping with Wingman if you just let me sleep in your bed?" Dang this little girl is so smart.
For Halloween we did our usual events, just the two of us. Carved a pumpkin, went around town and played, and then got all ready for the big day...HALLOWEEN!

Leilaa's school puts on a little parade and short assembly for the kids. All the kids get to walk around and show off their costumes to the parents. This photo below is my BFF Elise dressed up in her mask. Isn't she so cute? MASQUERADE PARTY
My sister, brother, friends and me decided to throw our first annual Masquerade Party. We completely decorated everything as much as we could with cob webs, black lights, strobe lights, colored lights, gory props, dry ice, and we even had a projector on the wall playing old movies. We had a great time dancing and hanging out. The best part was everyone finally got to meet the infamous Matthew Hardman or should I say Batman? That's right, this year we dressed up as Batman and Robin. My brother dressed up as a pimp and his friend as his ho, and my sister dressed up as a super pretty peacock. She even went to a professional to have her make up done. She was way cute! My other brother Moki even came and danced with us, it was so fun to have all four of us together. Our mom even came by to see us all dressed up and she even dressed for a photo. She's so cute too!
We seriously had so much fun and everyone was so great as always. We missed some of our best people due to a Zumbathon thing in St. George, but it's ok hopefully we all can make something work for Christmas.
Thanks everyone for coming and for helping out.

Airman Hardman's 1st Visit Home

2011-11-07T17:18:00.010-07:00

I couldn't have been more excited. When Matt finally came up to us in the airport I started balling like a baby. OMG my heart melts when I see him and all my stress releases. When we left the airport we went and ate custard ice cream with his parents and then headed home. The next morning was amazing! I actually had a spouse to wake up to. The rest of the time we just hung out and went out for SUSHI...we heart sushi.
On Sunday we invited our families over for dinner and to visit with Matt. Can I just say how AWESOME my sister Krista is. When we found out Matt was able to come home for his first visit, she emailed him immediately and asked him what he would like her to make for him. Matt said. "Something with chocolate, strawberries and just absolutely delicious." How well do you think she delivered? Well, take a look. OMG it was AMAZING! She made a chocolate cake, with this chocolate cheese cake pudding filling with powdered sugar, strawberries and glaze, topped with a few chocolate dipped strawberries. We devoured both cakes. That's right, she made two and we gobbled them both up.
We all had an incredible time together. We missed our Daddy so bad.

Families Are Forever or Are They?

2011-11-07T12:58:00.011-07:00

I started writing this post a long time ago, but have never finished it because, well, sometimes some things are hard to put into words. After watching General Conference and events that took place this weekend, I felt that perhaps it was time to post this. I really would love for each person who reads my blog to take the time to read this post and reflect on this question.
Are you doing all you can for your family?

It is no secret that families are being torn apart due to divorce, disagreements, jealousy, pride, control, judgment or whatever conflicts they may be faced with. There is no such thing as a "Perfect Family". Every family is confronted with issues, problems, tragedy, drama and whatever else this unfortunate world puts in our path. It can be frustrating to be part of a family, especially one with parents or siblings that are not supportive, judgmental, unforgiving, mean, or whatever else you perceive your family to be. So much anger from feeling this way builds up over time which in return can sometimes cause relationships to never recover.

Unfortunately, I come from a family that has experienced large amounts of trials. From those trials many of us have made mistakes over the years and many continue to. Another sad observation within a family is sometimes trials and issues are self inflicted or self created. We are all guilty of stirring the pot, gossip, offending someone, not being as supportive as we should, judging, giving a poor impression, making mistakes or what have you. Unfortunately, there is not one family or person that is exempt from trials. So if we are all guilty of these things, why are so many families being torn apart? I would think that those who have sinned would forgive a sinner, right? Is holding onto conflict worth the destruction of relationships and your family?

President Boyd K. Packer has observed that when a person in a position to correct another fails to do so, he is thinking only of himself. When I heard this, I really took it to heart. When I have corrected, judged, pointed a finger, or caused hurt to someone, I'd have to say that I was probably only thinking of myself. Because you cannot judge or cause hurt without saying "I or me."

To me family unity includes my immediate and extended family. Otherwise, how can I say, "I have a united family?" It breaks my heart to see the lack of love, support, respect, or motivation members have towards their own families. Very few will actually sit down and work through the issues. Many would prefer to never talk to someone or have a relationship with them rather than work through the conflict. You cannot control ones action or agency, but you can control your own and the efforts you put forth. So what can you do for your family? This talk from Boyd . Packer gives great ideas on family unity.

Striving for Family Unity
It has been said that if you think you know a perfect family, you don’t know the family very well!

This suggests that all of us have periodic challenges in establishing and maintaining love and unity within our families. Yet, in large measure, our challenge to teach and nurture our children in a way that will qualify us as eternal families defines our mission here on earth.

In his epistle to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul emphasized the importance of “perfecting … the saints” and reaching a “unity of the faith” (Ephesians 4:12–13). With this “unity,” Paul counseled that the Saints would “be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive” (Ephesians 4:14). What a magnificent promise—especially for parents!

Love of families and fellow men was the keystone of the Savior’s ministry. To His disciples, He said, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you” (John 15:12). Less than a year following the organization of the restored Church, the Lord told the Saints in Fayette, New York, “I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine” (D&C 38:27).

The teachings of living prophets and apostles as summarized in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” make clear our responsibilities to our families:

“Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another. … Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”¹

Amid all the counsel we have been given about nurturing our children in love and unity, as parents we must decide how we can best accomplish this challenging but eternally compelling task. Some of the following principles and ideas may provide help in uniting our families in love and truth.

Unity of Parents
Unity in the family begins with a loving parental relationship that sets an example for the family and extends in a personal way to each child.

President David O. McKay often credited his father and mother for the love and unity experienced in their family. He said: “Most gratefully and humbly I cherish the remembrance that never once as a lad in the home of my youth did I ever see one instance of discord between father and mother, and that goodwill and mutual understanding has been the uniting bond that has held together a fortunate group of brothers and sisters. Unity, harmony, goodwill are virtues to be fostered and cherished in every home.

Loving, Trusting Relationships
Studies have shown that in most families, children’s self-confidence and sense of personal worth are directly related to the quality of their relationships with their parents³and how parents have taught and lived basic principles of the gospel.

As our children become teenagers, they frequently rely on things that will endear them to their peers. Unless a strong bond of love and trust has been established between parents and children, supported by a strong spiritual environment in the home, children’s loyalties tend to move to peers as they become teenagers. As children develop confidence in themselves and strong testimonies of the Savior, they add a special spirit of unity and happiness to their families and have strength to resist the pressures of the world.

President Gordon B. Hinckley has counseled: “I would like to see greater love in our homes. … You parents who are fathers and mothers of children, treasure your children. Look to them with love. Lead them … with love. … They will follow after you if you do that. And I make you a promise that if you do so, the time will come when you will feel so grateful that you have done so, that you will get on your knees and thank the Lord for the precious children who have come to you and grown up under your direction.”⁴

Frequent expressions of love are a key to building trusting and loving relationships, but equally important is the consistent demonstration of that love. How we act often speaks louder than what we say and how we say it. It is important that we consistently and genuinely show our children our love for them as well as tell them of that love.

Following his father’s death, one young man felt he could take little comfort from his mother’s assurance that his father loved him and was proud of him.

“While a doctor was verifying death, I was leaning against the wall in the far corner of the room, crying softly. A nurse came over to me and put a comforting arm around me. I couldn’t talk through my tears. I wanted to tell her:

“‘I’m not crying because my father is dead. I’m crying because my father never told me that he was proud of me. He never told me that he loved me. Of course, I was expected to know these things. I was expected to know the great part I played in his life and the great part I occupied of his heart, but he never told me.’”⁵

Perhaps there was a greater message than most of us realize when God our Father announced His Son by saying, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17; emphasis added).

Children thrive on loving relationships that make them feel special. Encouragement and love are important, especially when things may not be going well.

Listening to our children and respecting their views builds trust and opens communication. Understanding and agreeing on expectations with each member of the family adds to the unity and good feelings for each other. Periodic one-on-one time is a superb way to build lasting relationships and trust. In fact, personal time with each child is an essential building block to genuine lasting relationships of love and unity.

As children replace selfishness and envy with kindness and service to each other, unity grows within the family. And as the family serves together to assist others, a bond of unity and love becomes the hallmark of the family. Unity in the family will not always free parents from problems and challenges with their children, but it does enable families to cohesively focus on solutions.

Personal Spiritual Experiences for Children
Living in accordance with our strong personal testimonies becomes the foundation for unwavering love and unity within a family. Testimonies also provide the bulwark against Satan and the things of the world that he uses to bring contention into families.

One of our key responsibilities as parents is to help our children prepare for and have spiritual experiences in their youth that will develop strong testimonies of Jesus Christ and His restored gospel. These experiences come as a result of prayer, study, and living gospel principles. They come from family home evenings and scripture study. They result from personal experiences and feelings from association with Church leaders and spiritually strong friends. Frequently, they come in a very personal way as the Spirit touches and confirms the truth and testimony of the living Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, as the Savior and Redeemer of the world.

I will be forever grateful for my faithful parents who, in their humble way, used the priesthood and the power of prayer to bless their children with the Lord’s healing power. On several occasions during my youth, the Lord responded with His tender mercies in a way that was miraculous. For me those experiences formed the basic foundation on which I have developed an undeniable testimony of the Lord and His love for each of us.

Unified Families Minimize Contention
The Lord’s challenge to raise our families in unity and righteousness is not a simple one. Our youth live in exciting yet challenging times. Their lives are filled with responsibilities and activities of various kinds. They have access to many things, including media and music that do not always fit within the standards of the home and the principles of the Church. As a result, almost every family at one time or another experiences disagreements on certain issues, both large and small. This creates contention.

The Lord made clear His feelings on contention when He said to the Nephites, “He that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil” (3 Nephi 11:29).

Our challenge as parents is to keep misunderstandings and disagreements to a minimum and to resolve differences quickly and amicably. The more we and our children are committed to living gospel principles, the greater the opportunity for the spirit of unity and love to reside in our homes. A clear understanding of gospel-centered guidelines and expectations in the home will significantly reduce periodic issues that precipitate contention.

Consistent Family and Personal Prayer
Some of the most effective teaching in our homes comes from the family’s kneeling together and feeling the spirit of what is said in daily family prayer. Asking the Lord for forgiveness, while also petitioning His help in unifying the family in love and righteous purposes, can have a lasting influence on our children as they grow together in the family. Sincere prayers soften contentious thoughts.

It is absolutely imperative that we teach and encourage our children to be consistent and sincere in offering their personal prayers. As children pray daily, they will feel the Lord’s personal direction in their lives. As they learn to seek His blessings and guidance, the family will find the joy and happiness that come from striving to be a righteous family.

In His great Intercessory Prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, the Savior pleaded with the Father five separate times for unity—“that they may be one, even as we are one” and “that they may be made perfect in one” (see John 17:11, 22–23). Unity is the outcome of a family engaging in righteous principles.

May we as parents pray for and live worthy of the Lord’s blessings so that our families may be one on earth and in the eternities to come.

Need I Say More

2011-11-07T12:12:00.004-07:00

Grand Opening Nov 11 @ Noon. Fashion Place Mall
Everyone who knows me knows how IN LOVE I am with H&M. There is not one store that I love more than this one. I used to be a die hard Express lover, but there selection isn't as great as it used to be, but there pants and business suits are phenomenal. As for H&M, they have everything from trendy casual to more conservative business. I lean more towards the conservative business side, but I love everything in that store. Even though I just got back from Vegas yesterday and did some shopping there, I can't resist and will be going back n Friday. OH YEAH!

Sympathy Sickness

2011-10-19T12:25:00.004-06:00

About 2 weeks ago we had a really scary incident with Matthew. On a Thursday, he was supposed to get on a flight and head to Vegas for his residency training. I spoke with him in the afternoon and he mentioned he would be heading to the airport around 3:00 his time and his flight was to leave at 5:00; he said he'd call or text on his way to the airport. Three O'clock came around and I hadn't heard from him. I started texting and calling, no answer. I knew something was wrong, but was trying to tell myself that everything was fine.

After I got off work I decided to call again just to see if maybe he'd answer, even though I knew his flight would have taken off by now. Long and behold he finally answers. He sounded way sick. I immediately asked what was wrong and if he was ok. Matt explained that he had a really bad headache and got super sick on the way to airport. When they got to the airport he started throwing up and when he walked out of the bathroom, he passed out. After hearing this, my heart started to pound. Almost the same incident happened to his mother at the young age of 26, but it turned out to be an aneurysm. Matthew was in the emergency room waiting to be seen while I was talking to him.

I started to freak a little at this point telling him to tell the nurse what happened to his mom and to make them get him in to be seen. Well, we all know our tough guy Matt who won't do anything unless it's done for him. So eventually my mom called the doctor and explained the situation, so they finally got him in. After 3 hours, they determined it was a bad tension headache, gave him a shot in his bum, and sent him on his way.

The days to follow Matt would randomly get sick from smells or pretty much anything. While he was working in Labor and Delivery, Matt was talking to a tech and was explaining whats been going on. The gentleman asked him, "Is your wife pregnant?" Matt replied, "no." The guy went on telling him that men can experience sympathy sickness when their wives are pregnant. Matt immediately text me the resolution to his illness and I started dying laughing; I had never such a thing.

Well since I am a "google junky", I jumped on and researched. Yep, it's true, men can experience sympathy sickness. The only catch was I am not pregnant, so obviously this is not what was causing his illness. But what a great story this would have been if I was. Since I found this so amusing I figured I'd share the article I found on it...

"Men are usually somewhat peripheral during pregnancy. After all, women are the ones who carry the child and endure the process of labor and childbirth. Most men will take advantage of any opportunity to help, and getting up in the middle of the night to head to a drive-thru for french fries and a chocolate shake is often their greatest expression of sympathy for their wives' condition. But for some men, doting is just the beginning.

Imagine your stomach bloating as your wife's grows, or the two of you ill at the same time with morning sickness. Up until recently, the medical establishment has ignored reports of fathers-to-be suffering everything from strange food cravings to backaches and weight gain. But a study in the summer of 2007 went a long way to proving the existence of Couvade syndrome -- or sympathetic pregnancy.

The study conducted at St. George's Hospital, a part of St. George's University in London, England, examined 282 men ages 19 to 55 whose wives were pregnant. A group of 281 men whose wives were not pregnant was used as a control in the study. Researchers found that the majority of the men with pregnant wives displayed a variety of pregnancy-associated symptoms like mood swings and morning sickness.

Stomach cramps were the most commonly reported; one man reported his own labor pains that rivaled his wife's while she was delivering their baby. A few of the men who showed signs of sympathetic pregnancy developed pseudocyesis -- a phantom swollen stomach.

The study found that the symptoms generally followed a similar pattern to the men's wives' pregnancies. The symptoms came on during the early stages of the pregnancy, reached their worst point within the third trimester and cleared up after the wives had given birth. Even more strangely, 11 of the men who sought medical help for their symptoms found that doctors could offer no physical explanation.

Cases of Couvade syndrome (which comes from the French "couver," meaning "to hatch") have been widely documented in different parts of the world. One 1994 study showed that some Thai men also exhibited symptoms of sympathetic pregnancy. Another study, conducted in Italy the following year, says that reports of the incidence of sympathetic pregnancy ranges from 11 to 65 percent [source: Klein]. What's more, a person needn't be a man with a pregnant wife to experience Couvade syndrome. In at least one case documented in the United States, a woman began to show sympathetic symptoms similar to her pregnant twin sister who lived in another city [source: Budur, et al].

But why does it happen? Researchers aren't sure. There are, however, a wide variety of suggestions. It may be a man's anxiety over the impending birth of his child that could cause him to show signs of sympathetic pregnancy. Another theory is that Couvade syndrome may be a man's "statement of paternity" or even a sign of envy toward his wife or feelings of rivalry with the baby [source: Klein].

All of these concepts suggest that Couvade syndrome may be a psychosomatic condition -- a response by the body to a stimulus in the mind. Find out about the mysterious link between mind and body on the next page."

The Uses of Adveristy - by Carlfred Broderick

2011-10-12T12:29:00.009-06:00

"Some of life's trials seem too deep for our words of comfort to have any meaning. But even in the face of such soul- wrenching griefs, there is hope. "The gospel of Jesus Christ is not insurance against pain," writes Dr. Carlfred Broderick, former president of the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists. "It is resource in event of pain." His unforgettable, real- life examples illustrate the matchless power of the gospel to help us rise above even abuse or injustice. A perfect gift for anyone who is going through hard times."
Being in Relief Society and having the calling I hold in church, I have had the privilege to get to know some of the most amazing woman in our ward. The personal stories that have been shared with me, the ones that I have shared, the friendships and bonds that have been created has taught me so much about myself, others and the way life is.
One evening while I was visiting with my RS President and discussing church stuff, I began to talk to her about some dilemma's I have been faced with recently. I expressed my frustration with adversity and trials especially when they come from those who are close to us. Our additional Relief Society meeting the next day was to be on adversity. So my RS President handed me this book and said, "I know this will help you, keep it."
The next day I sat through our Relief Society meeting and listened to our guest speaker Sister Tiffany Fletcher the author of "My Mother's Secret." She told us of her life story of how she was raised by a mother who had been raped by her father from the age of 3-18. From that tragic upbringing, her mother developed multiple personality disorder to cope with the grief. Due to this issue, Tiffany's life was extremely hard. Her mother would strangle her, chase her around with a butcher knife, neglected her and her siblings leaving Tiffany to care for them.
Eventually time moved on and Tiffany was able to serve a mission for the LDS church. While she was out serving, she had a strong feeling that she needed to call home and check on her mother. Her president tried to convince her that it was just home sickness, but she pressed on. Then he asked her, "Is your mother sick?" The president didn't know Tiffany's history or anything about her mother. Tiffany replied, "Well let me tell you about her." She began to tell him her life story. After she finished, the president sat quietly for a bit and then said to her, "It sounds to me as though your mother was kind of like your Savior." Tiffany was astonished that he could use those two words in the same sentence, she was speechless. He said to her, "I don't doubt that you had a very hard life, but can you imagine the life your mother suffered? And somehow in the midst of all that despair, she was able to build a bridge and stop the abuse from happening to you or any of your siblings. Your mother stopped the cycle and did it the best way she knew how and took on that burden so that she could protect you. By her doing that, now you have been given the opportunity to live your life free of abuse or living her life and someday you can give your children a better life than what you had and what she had, she broke the cycle."What the president said hit Tiffany so hard and for the first time in her life she was able to see mother in a different light. From that moment on, Tiffany was able to start trying to love her mother for what she did for her instead of hating her for what she didn't do.
As I heard that story and as I started to read this book. I realized that I need to not worry so much about the small trials I cannot control and to use the tools I have been given to manage bigger ones when they come. When the burden of trials are placed in my lap my Savior gave to me what Tiffany's mother gave to her, Gethsemane, the Atonement. I have been given a tool to free myself of the heavy burden should I choose to use it. That doesn't mean the problems will go away or be fixed, only that I don't have to carry the weight on my own.
The funny thing about writing this is, I already know this. I have known this and been taught this my entire life, but I am human and I forget or become stubborn and try to do everything myself.
My Heavenly Father has been very generous and loving to me, in more ways than I even know. I have been so blessed with a loving, devoted husband, a wonderful happy daughter, a good job, loving people in my life and the gospel. I really try to brush concerns off my shoulders or remember my burdens are not as heavy as others, but when moments hit hard I need to remember I can't do it all on my own. So for everyone, should you need refuge from your burdens, give them back to the one who suffered for you. If you need a little reminder, read this book.

Just Something to Blog About

2011-10-11T12:09:00.005-06:00

Everyone already knows that all we talk about in the Hardman Home is babies. I have never seen a more anxious husband than Matthew. Wow, he is ready and has been..oh for like the last 3 years. Until we finally have one, in the mean time, all he/we do is look at baby stuff and how to decorate. Well I thought I'd share some of my most favorite sites. Rosenberry Rooms is awesome and of course Pottery Barn Kids and many others. If we have another girl we'll probably put Leilaa and the baby in the same room and make the extra room a play room. My only worry is that if we have another girl, that I will want to redecorate the entire room. HAHAHA I would too! If it's a boy, than we'll decorate the other room probably in Airplanes. I love the Ralph Lauren look for a boy. We have no idea when the baby addition will occur only maybe sometime in the near future. But, for all my friends who are having babies, hope this helps in ideas to decorate...

Most Precious Photo of a Life Time

2011-09-29T12:00:00.002-06:00

"Please meet Landon.. his dad Marine LCPL Carpenter made the ultimate sacrifice while serving with the 3/8 in Afghanistan earlier this year.. a month before his son was born. Never forget the price of freedom."My friend posted this photo on facebook this morning. The moment I read thi,s I started to ball at my desk uncontrollably and then laugh hysterically. My receptionist heard me and asked me what was going on. I said to her, "I'm such a ball baby." I explained that we decided about a year ago if we have a baby boy we will name him Landon. I told her of the post and how heart breaking, yet tender this photo is. She came to my desk, read the titling and said, "oh my gosh that is the most precious photo," .
This photo hit so close to home, especially right now. Ever since Matt left after his weekend home it has been extremely hard to keep my head up and myself motivated. Matthew is home to me, without him I feel a piece of me is missing. Spending time away is healthy, but 8 months is excruciatingly painful. However, I stop myself often and remember all the men and women who have gone without their loved one for longer periods or have lost them. Then I say a prayer and ask for comfort and say to myself, "Head Up Shoulders Back." I have way more to be grateful then to be sad that he is not with me right now. It's such a short amount of time to be away in the big picture.
I am so proud of the military families who sacrifice their lives and their children's lives for each and everyone of you and me. I pray for the family of this photo. That comfort will be given to the mother and the son. I can only imagine how hard it would be to deliver your son without your husband by your side. I pray for our military men and their children. That they too will be comforted, rewarded, and always know how much we love, respect, and honor them.

Summer Summerization

2011-09-19T14:11:00.009-06:00

Believe it or not, on the Hardman side, a dear family member, the one and only Ross Taylor is the founder and owner of the Bull Canes. What is a Bull Cane you ask? From his own words...
"All of our products are made from the reproductive organ of an American buffalo or a domestic bull and that's NO BULL! A 5/16" steel rod is inserted from tip to tip. These products are extremely durable, built to use and last a lifetime."
I know, whoever is reading this is probably gasping with disgust. All in all, these canes are beautiful, one of kind and customized just for you. They are extremely popular amongst celebrities and just your ordinary everyday lovers.
Since my fathers stroke, he has fallen a couple of times due to his left side being weak. Can you take one guess as to what I bought for him? Yep, you got it. We made him his own, genuine bull cane. It is beautiful. I have had several ask where to get it, well if you are one, here is the sight..Bull Canes. While we were at the shop, Ross gave us some pieces to take to angel to chew on...HAHAHAHAHA Yep, she gobbled it right up. Dogs love them oh and the marrow that is in antlers, but Gpa Hardman took those to Snickers since Angel is too small to chew them. These canes are very unique and my father is so happy with his Bull Cane.

NEIGHBORHOOD PANCAKES
I love our little neighborhood. The kids are always playing together and having a blast. This particular morning all of the kids came over while I was making pancakes, so we all had some.

HEADING TO "THOR"
Have I not told you about my new boyfriend? His name is Thor and can you believe it, he is the God of Thunder. HAHAHAHA Watch the movie and then you'll understand why I think he is such a stud muffin.

FOOD HAPPINESS PARTY
Ok I wouldn't really call it a party since it was just me and Imara(aka Ima). Well, from this little experience me, my sister and brother just held the first and offical Food Happiness Party with all our Zumba friends. OMG it was OUTSTANDING. I was full for a week, no lie. I didn't get any photo's because once again I forgot my camera, but it was a blast. We couldn't have asked for better company, enough dancing, enough food, and enough satisfied bellies. HAHAHAHA
Thank you Ima for helping us come up with this idea!

WISE GUYS
My sis took my out because I have become such a hermit since my Matty left. The funny thing is I have always been very independent, never hesitated going out or being with friends, but without him with me it feels so weird. I don't have anyone to go home to and tell about my night, or the funny stories. But, my family has done a great job trying to keep me busy and focused on other things. Thank you guys!

ANDI'S BABY SHOWER
I may be posting things twice, but I really don't want to take the time to check.
I made this carseat cover for one of my best friends in the whole world. I love her more than anything. We have been friends for 15 years and I helped raise her kids. Anyways, she had another new baby boy and I was so excited to make this for her. I changed the back so that the backside won't blow up from the wind or drag. This makes the cover more affective and keeps baby more protected. The cover matched the carseat as well, just perfect.

MUD RUN
I totally hate myself for forgetting to sign up for this. Oh well, there is always next year! All the Zumba lovers dressed up and ran in the Mud Run 5K. I took Leilaa and Nia and was hoping they would play in the mud, but this is as far as they would go. It was so great to see all the people and all the different costumes.

AIRBORNE

We took the kids to this jumping place that is like Jump On it, but way better. They have foam pits for adults, kids, and dodge ball OH YEAH! We had fun.

GRANDPA HARDMAN

Of course we went to go visit his grave. Matthew and his father miss this man so much. They were the 3 musketeers. We love Gpa!

A DAY WITH OUR WINGMAN

When Matt signed into the Air Guard he immediately started calling Leilaa his wingman. This was taken shortly after Matt left. Leilaa had such a hard time with Daddy leaving so to distract the loneliness I took her out for a full day of Mommy and Daughter Time. We went to lunch, shopping, ice-cream, swimming and dinner. We had a good time.

HAWAIIAN WEDDING

My brother-in-laws niece got married. Her wedding was beautiful and her husband is perfect for her. It was a good time.

STADIUM OF FIRE

As most know, Matt bought me Stadium of Fire tickets and was going to surprise me and come home, but they wouldn't allow him to so I had to find others to come with me. Who better than my Niece Keilani and her friend Lauren. We had so much fun and I balled like a baby during the tribute stuff. Man I miss my husband.

David is cute, I just want to keep him in my pocket!

You don't get more country sexy than this!

ENSIGN PEAK

One night while I was spending the weekend at my moms, I decided to go hike Ensign Peak by myself. It was so wonderful to go off by myself, hike a little and breath. Being alone, without a spouse, is the hardest thing I've had to do yet. It was beautiful up there!

IMARA'S BRIDAL SHOWER

I love Imara so much, she is my little twin. It was an honor to throw this shower for her. It was so fun and I know she had a blast. I love you Ima!

WORK FRIENDS!

IMARA'S BRIDALS

Wow, these turned out beautiful. Taking her photo's was so fun. Funny thing is, when I posted them everyone thought it was me. When I had Imara's invite on my fridge my daughter and family thought it was me. Everyone at work, every day, asks if we are sister. So we just started to tell everyone...Yes! Here are just a few of the bride to be...

FHE

After Family Home Evening, our neighbors the Smith's asked a few neighbors if we wanted to come over and ride their horses. Leilaa immediately ran up stairs and put on pants and her cowgirl boots. It was a good night to ride!

RED IGUANA

Try fitting 30+ people into this restaurant. The manager wasn't too happy, but we had so much anyways and our waiter was so great.

GO ZUMBA SISTA'SHEART ON!

END OF THE SUMMER BBQ

ZUMBA STYLE

Need I say more!

I love my siblings!

BOATING WITH THE DAY'S

Oh how I love this lady, one of my best BFF's Andrea Day. We had so much fun! The photo's tell the story.

Remembering 9/11 - I Will Never Forget

2011-09-11T17:19:00.009-06:00

I took these photos at my husbands Graduation Parade.

On September 11, 2001 I was 18 years old. That early morning my mother called me from work and told me to run down stairs and turn on the tv. I immediately did so and saw one of the twin towers already on fire from the first plane having had hit. As I watched the news reporters and people on the ground, I remember thinking to myself, "No way is this real, this has to be a joke, this would never happen to America." What I was witnessing was more real than almost anything I have ever seen in my life.

I sat on the couch and called my mom again and asked her to explain what was going on. She didn't know either except that plane had hit into the twin tower. News reporters thought that the plane had gotten off course and accidently hit it. Then as we were watching, the other plane hit the second tower. I saw the plane crash into the building and new at that moment that this was no accident.

I continued to watch and saw the first building fall. I saw the people at the top of the building waving for help. Most devasting of all, I watched people starting to jump from the buildings and the bodies land below around all of the other people. Everyone started screaming that people were jumping. So many were falling. Tears flooded my eyes for the heartache, fright, and devastation that I knew those people were experiencing. I then dropped to my knees in our living room and prayed to our Heavenly Father to somehow comfort those people and their families, protect them, and give them relief.

I remember seeing police officers, fire fighters and savilians trying to help, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to comfort, but doing all they could save those they could, help families and loved ones find each other. Everyone was doing all they could to help.

I went into work that morning at the Cottonwood Mall. Hardly any stores opened their doors. Shortly after arriving to work, the headquarters decided to close our doors as well; so I went home.

I continued to watch and listen again to why these attacks were taking place all over. I listened to everything that had taken place while I was at work from the plane crash in Pennsylvania and the Pentagon. I watched all the people covered in ash from the collapsing of the building, injured people, injured reporters, and everyone frightened. I sat again at home with a broken heart, hopeless to help or lend an open arm. I couldn't believe what had happened to our country and all the families.

I have never taken the moment to write where I was on this day and felt obligated to do so for all the people who lost their lives that day. Why? To show them and America that I too will never forget. We mst move from this tragic day just as I know they would want us to do, but we still will never forget them or this day.

I am grateful for our men and woman who served, have served, and will continue to serve our country, and risk their lives for all of us. I am also proud to be an Airforce wife and have my husband serve his country. Thank you Airforce, Navy, and Army.

To pay tribute to our fallen Americans, me, Leilaa and my brother went to the Sandy Promenad to see the unvailing of the 9/11 Statue. I forgot my camera for the weekend and don't really like cell phone photos, so I didn't get any photo's. However, Leilaa had a blast seeing the 1,000 bikes lines up around the promenad, running through all the flags, sitting in the helicopter, sitting in the army cars, fire trucks etc. It was such a beautiful sight to see.

Monday night I watched the documentarties on 9/11 and balled my eyes out the entire time. It is so heart breaking and touching to see the tragedy and sacrifice of our Americans.

I LOVE OUR USA!

3 Down...Eternity to Go

2011-09-05T10:41:00.000-06:00

~Happy Anniversary My Love~

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner

I am grateful for my husband and the marriage we both are dedicated to have. Our marriage is nowhere perfect, and I am all the more appreciative for that. Through our trials as a couple and individually, we come to love, understand and cherish more deeply than we did before. We have a long road ahead of us, but I am positive it will be a great road to walk hand-in-hand.

Alamo

2011-08-21T11:59:00.006-06:00

You can't go to San Antonio without going and seeing the Alamo. It was pretty cool to walk around and read of it's history.

No, this is not a photo showing his bum. It's to show how much weight he lost. His clothes don't fit him. Do you like the bunches?

Museum at Lackland AFB

2011-08-21T11:09:00.005-06:00

Parade Ceremony

2011-08-21T09:50:00.010-06:00

The next day all of the Airmen have a Parade Ceremony. With the Parade, they all also get their own personal fly over. It was so touching to see. So many cried, smiled, laughed and we couldn't take our eyes off these men and women. They are sacrificing so much, perhaps too much. Regardless, we are all the more grateful for their desires to serve our country. Congrats Airmen!

Greeting Our Airman

2011-08-21T09:35:00.010-06:00

After the ceremony was over, all of the Airmen had to stay in formation until their families came up to them and hugged them. Leilaa and I fought through the crowd and put our arms around Daddy and kissed him. Ok, I'll be honest, it was awkward. Why? Because I didn't know what I could do. I was told we weren't allowed to hold hands, really kiss, hold each other, nothing. So I didn't know what to do besides look at him. It made me so sad. All of the Airmen were looking around telling girlfriends or wives to not hold onto them etc. I was kind of funny. However, I am a rebel and I grabbed his arm and hand every chance I could and he did the same. We love each other!
We finally got our Daddy back and couldn't have been happier.

Coin Ceremony - Graduation

2011-08-07T15:30:00.020-06:00

Graduating from the Air Force, the men and women are presented with these "Airman Coin's." This ceremony ends up being almost every Airman's most significant event of their life. Its an honor to graduate and become part of the Air Force family. I can't tell you how many people have stopped us when we have been in Texas thanking Matthew and myself for his willingness and both of our sacrifice. These men and women have everything to be proud of.

For the ceremony more people gave speechs, which were very nice, and they had them say the Airman's Creed all together. Once again, very moving.

CONGRATS AIRMAN!

Honor Graduates

2011-08-07T14:40:00.018-06:00

After the Airman Run, they had everyone say a little congrats message in a video who wanted to. We did just that with our GIANT sign and gave a huge shout out to our Airman Hardman. Then, they asked everyone to move to the bleachers to prepare for the Honors Graduation. We went and found a sit and made friends with the people around us. As we talked, I told them that I wasn't sure if my husband made honors or not. They told me that there was a list inside and a screen displaying all of the honor graduates. I ran my little bum inside as fast as I could, grabbed the list and scanned for Matthew's name. OH YEAH! His name was on it. Tears began to swell in my eyes, I was so proud of him. As I started running back to my family filled with excitement, I stopped in my tracks as I over heard someone mention that all Honor Graduates families get to sit in front and in the middle of where the Honor Grads will be. After hearing that I was even more ecstatic and began running again back to my family jumping up and down and told them we get to move and that Matt made Honors. I cannot express enough how proud I am of Matthew. He is truly someone I look up to and strive to be like. He has done so amazing well, but I knew he would.

We could see the Airmen prepare to come in and my heart started beating so fast. I NOW was going to see my Matthew. Would I cry? I had not laid eyes on him for 2 months and had hardly talked to him. What would it feel like seeing him? As the Airmen began walking in, YEP, I started to tear up. When I saw Matthew my heart fell back into place where it belonged; completely different feeling then I was expecting. I felt so much peace, calmness, happiness, and love for him. I was so proud to be his wife and know that that man belonged to me. I grabbed Leilaa immediately and started pointing out where Matt was. As soon as she spotted him she put her arms out for him and said, "My daddy, I want my Daddy." It was so tender.

Matthew looked like a knew Matthew. He had changed, but for the better. He was definitely not same man who left me, he was a better one. Everyone who has seen these photos and know Matthew say the same thing, "Wow, he has changed into a better man and you can see it."

After I got over being completely happy that he was finally standing in front of me, I started looking at his elbow to see which one was broken, he had never told me. I looked closely and could tell it was his right elbow, it was still swollen but not terribly. I was so grateful he was able to reach his goals even with the broken elbow, it says a lot about him.

Back to the graduation...The Airmen marched in in sinlge line since there are only a few, well a few out of the 700 total Airmen. The Colonel's gave a speech and they had each Airman step forward as they called their name. It was so AWESOME to hear Matthew's name called. At the end they had all of the Airman say the

Airman's Creed

I am an American Airman.
I am a Warrior.
I have answered my nation's call.

I am an American Airman.
My mission is to fly, fight, and win.
I am faithful to a proud heritage,
a tradition of honor,
and a legacy of valor.

I am an American Airman,
Guardian of freedom and justice,
My nation's sword and shield,
Its sentry and avenger.
I defend my country with my life.

I am an American Airman:
Wingman, Leader, Warrior.
I will never leave an Airman behind.
I will never falter,
and I will not fail.

As the Airman say, "and I will not Fail" they yell that last phrase. It was so powerful and touching that when they said people began to cry. I was such a cool experience to be there and be part that.

You really are amazing Matthew and I am so proud of you!

Airman's Run

2011-06-15T15:55:00.004-06:00

Once we arrived to the base we were supposed to attend an orientation for all the wives and parents. However, so many were there attending that we weren't able to get in. We knew that the Airman's Run was the first event to take place, so we decided to go out where they would be running and get our spot.

It was really neat to stand there anticipating seeing Matthew. Matthew had told me beforehand that many families can't tell who their son is because they all look same with their bald heads. After he told me this and seeing other airmen there with bald heads, I became so nervous that I wouldn't recognize my husband. I kept thinking to myself, "how could I NOT recognize my husband, he's my husband." Well believe it or not, I did recognize my husband, but not at the Airman run and not because he was bald. Matthew had told me the Sunday before going to the Texas that his flight didn't get worrior flight, therefore, they will be in yellow shirts. If they had received worrior flight, then they would have worn black shirts that were a lot better looking. Well, somehow in between Sunday and Thursday I forgot and thought he was wearing black shirts. So I kept taking photos of the worrior flight wondering why I couldn't see Matthew. HAHAHAHA I have one photo of his flight that I was able to get from someone else. Woops!
Even though I missed his flight, Matt saw us and his banner. He ran right past me and looked straight at me, so that's all that matters.

Heading to BMT Graduation

2011-06-15T12:45:00.000-06:00

Onto our trip...
Leilaa and I were so excited to be going to Texas together to see Matt. This was Leilaa's first time on a plane and I couldn't wait to see how she reacted to it all. We were so excited or I, that I started packing about 3 weeks in advance. I know, silly huh?! It sure was crazy trying to get everything packed. I had to pack all of our stuff and haul items for Matt along with everything for Leilaa. Luckily my in-laws came and they were able to help me get everything on the plane. My mom had to be in Dallas for work a few days prior, so she wasn't able to fly with us, but we managed just fine. Amazingly enough Leilaa was so great on the plane, she slept the entire time. HAHA! You can't ask for a better outcome.

When we arrived to Texas it felt as if I walked through a steam room as soon as I stepped off the plane, the heat and the humidity was insane. Leilaa immediately said, "Mommy, why is it so hot?" The poor little thing had rosey cheeks our entire trip. Once we arrived we headed straight to our car and headed to our hotel. Have any of you seen the freeways in San Antonio? Cali isn't as complicated. I took us in the wrong direction at least 4 times. Every time I went the wrong way, I had Leilaa there to let me know that I didn't know where I was going. However, thank goodness that I am blessed with a good sense of direction, otherwise I would have never been able to figure out where to go. Oh and I even had my GPS, the freeways cross so many times and divide that I couldn't tell which lane to stay in, but eventually I got the hang of it.
We finally arrived to our hotel and we were so happy with it. It was a great room, clean hotel, and of course I loved the turquoise. When Matt was able to come to the hotel, he walked in and said, "This is certainly your hotel."
That evening I took Leilaa swimming, we went to dinner together and then waited for Nana to show up to the hotel. Leilaa and I feel asleep while waiting for Nana, it had been a big day for us, but once Nana arrived Leilaa was too happy to stay asleep. She jumped right up and ran to Nana to give her a hug. Leila immediately started showing off our room to her and showing Nana where they are going to sleep. She was so excited to have my mom there and of course I was too. Eventually we all settled down and got things ready to go see Daddy tomorrow. I was so excited and nervous I hardly slept. I didn't know what it expect when I see Matt. I was already told that I can't jump on him or give some grand greeting, so I wasn't sure how to act tomorrow.Five o'clock came early, but I didn't mind. I was certainly ready to wake up, get all dolled up and out the door. We bought clothes for Leilaa especially for this trip and she ecstatic to look pretty for her daddy matt. We had to be at the base by 7:00 am and were told that the line to get into the base is insane, so to leave really early. We did just that. Leilaa was pretty much still asleep, poor little girl. When we drove up to the base, they have planes right at the entrance. Leilaa was so fascinated by the planes and kept asking if Daddy was going to fly them. I replied, "If only he could stomach it."

Appreciation before heading to BMT Graduation

2011-06-14T12:22:00.000-06:00

I want to start from the very beginning of our trip from the anticipation leading up to it, then to the end. This time apart has been so memorable that I want to capture it all. Since it will be long, I will break up my blogs to help with the longevity.

Let me begin by giving thanks to many of you who have stuck by my side, who have been patient with me, loving, and supportive, and for those who have put us first. The two months without Matthew have been rough and we still have several months to go. I like to think the hard part is over which in general it kind of is, but there is nothing easy about being without a husband for a long period of time. Many of you tell me that I am strong, but the lonely nights of crying myself to sleep, I certainly don't feel strong. Regardless, I have appreciated the words of encouragement and everyone checking up on me. So thank you again to those who have gone out of their way for me and my family without asking. We truly appreciate you and love you.

Believe it or not I have learned a lot about myself, Leilaa and my husband by not having Matt home or co-parenting with me. You know the saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone?" Well, I definitely didn't know what I had before and regrettably took advantage. However, this time away from each other has taught us a valuable lesson, that is cherishment. Definition of cherish; 1. to hold or treat as dear; feel love for. 2. to care for tenderly; nurture. 3. to cling fondly or inveterately to. Going through this experience together with a few years behind us in our relationship has magnified our feelings and helped us fall humble to the personal changes we struggle with. It has been a blessing and extremely humbling to see the changes that have taken place within our family and with each of us individually. So although this time apart is a great sacrifice, we wouldn't change it for anything.

Our time together in Texas was beyond any words I could express. Take your first kiss, your wedding night, honeymoon, first child etc and times it by a billion14, but add growth and time to that and that's what it was like seeing and being together. Our love for one another and appreciation has grown more than I thought possible. Just when I felt there is no way I could love Matthew more, I do. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean we're exempt from trials and disagreements. It's takes those things to build your appreciation and love and to learn how really cherish and respect each other. I really am grateful for my companion and am so blessed to have him.

Being without Matthew has shown me where I am lacking as a parent. Some woman would probably die coming to this realization, but I have embraced it and am working on things to help me become a better mother to my daughter. When I first knew I was going become a mother every worry, doubt, and nerv ran through my body. Even to this day, I always ask Matt if I am good mother. Being a good mother is almost every womans dream and hope. Unfortunately, your successfulness of a mother is determined by a couple of factors; your own self worth and your childs agency.

Leilaa and I have always had a special relationship. I was blessed to have the most spiritual expereinces with her before her birth, during my pregnancy and after. It has always been my goal to be best friends with her, but still be the best mom. As all of you mothers know, this task is not easy. It sometimes doesn't matter how good your relationship is, how spiritual you try to be, or how good of a parent you are, your child still makes their own choices. As a parent, you still have battle to fight, tears to wipe, feelings to mend, and hearts to heal. No parent is exempt.

Through the years with Leilaa I hae come to find out that is unique and have learned that she has her own ways of learning and expressing herself. As her mother it is my duty to learn to accept, love, and respect her ways. Yes, Leilaa is only 5, but she is not the easiest child in world. Being blessed with a strong willed child takes far more effort and time to figure out how they work. I have finally come to terms with her strong personality and now know that her determination and persistence will never change. Having Matt home to help split the burden gave us both the breaks to keep trying without ever really finding a solution to her active/stubborn behavior. Now that Matt is gone, so much of Leilaa's world has been turned upside down. Well after a few death wishes from Leilaa, I decided that I need to really focus on her and figure out how to manager her strong willed behavior. I have bought 4 books, which I will list under my"Books I Heart" on the side of my blog. I suggest all parents with a strong willed child to read them. I have not completed all of them, but definitely will. These books are helping me better understand her and they are strengthening our relationship. Leilaa and I have always been close, but that doesn't mean we don't bunt heads or argue. I look forward to finishing the books, giving the transition period time, and hopefully giving a positive update.

In addition to learning how to become a better parent, my relationship with my husband has improved more than I thought possible. It all started with the miscarriage.

I was never the type of person to show my tearful side, I preferred to cry alone. When the miscarriage happened everything changed for both of us, I'd say mostly for me. My emotions opened like a flood of water and I needed my husband more than anyone, even my mother who I have always needed. But something happens to a relationship when you see your spouse in pain. That unfortunate experience opened the doors for both of us to show who and what we really are together. The closeness and love that grew from that experience set our relationship in the right direction for us to handle Matthew's absense with love and patience.

It is so refreshing to see both of us growing from this experience without resistance. Being away from your special sweety can sometimes tear you apart, but for us it has been the exact opposite. Our hearts ache to talk to each other as much as possible. We will just sit on the phone in silence while he studies because just knowing that he is on the other side or me for him, puts ease on the loneliness. We have learned to lean, rely and trust in one anothers abilities. We are each others best friend and our friendship just keeps growing. Being blessed with a marriage filled with love, honesty, cherishment, devotion, loyalty, sacrifice, and commitement is more than we could ask for.

I am so proud of you Matthew and your sacrifice to our family and country. This is a hard road for you, but you could not be doing it with more humility and grace. You definitely have Heavenly Father on your side and you have everything in the world to be proud of.

I love you Matthew, with all my heart, up in space where Jesus lives!

Airman Hardman - Update #7

2011-06-06T21:08:00.001-06:00

Hi Everyone,
OMG I am so excited, 9 more days and counting. Our Matthew is doing so great, I could not be more proud of him. This last week was beast week, the week out in the middle of nowhere. Well, he is alive and his flight did perfect out there. Matt and his flight are working so hard to get honors, but unfortunately, there are more people involved. While out during beast week, it was Matt’s flight and I think 3 other flights. One of the flights was the sister flight. Supposedly they got 9 demerits for not doing things correctly etc. Therefore, Matt’s afraid they just prohibited his flight from obtaining honors. Everyone must do well or no one does. However, Matt is still hopeful, but if he doesn’t obtain honors he is still walking out of there with his head held high. Matt has excelled in everything and is one of the best in almost everything. While at beast week, Matt was in charge over showing everyone the medical training and making sure they do things correctly. That made him feel pretty good. Although beast week was extremely hot and hard, he did well and excelled as we knew he would.
Remember the “Special Men” Matt was over? I guess one was discharged about a week ago due to telling someone that he will kill them. I guess they take that pretty serious over there. HAHA Matt was so bummed because he was finally making progress with the kids, but at the same time he was relieved because I guess the kid really struggled. It has been amazing to hear how many men and woman have received dishonorable discharges. So sad especially at such a young age.
I can’t remember if I mentioned this in a previous update. One day Matt and his flight were in the dorms cleaning. An instructor came in furious because one of the men was being charged for sexual harassment towards one the woman in the sister flight. The instructor was so mad he came in screaming, throwing things around, and then picked up one of the beds and threw it. However, I guess the bed ricocheted off the wall or floor and came back at the instructor and took out his knee shattering it. He then had to be taken out by ambulance. Matt said although the instructor had every right to be mad and he was really scary, the bed won that fight. HAHAHA
While visiting with Matt yesterday he had his buddy Cruz sitting next to him confirm Matthew’s awesomeness during beast week and in general. It was so great to hear how confident and proud he is of himself. He has every right to be. Although he brags to me, I know Matthew is still humble towards his group and doesn’t gloat about himself. Those are some good qualities about Matthew. Oh, Matthew wants me to tell everyone thank you for the birthday wishes, those who sent them and for the birthday cards from my family and his parents. He also received 30 birthday cards from his work and absolutely loved that. He really appreciates the efforts, it totally makes him feel loved.
As you can tell Matthew is super excited to graduate and continue on in his journey. His spirits are soaring with the anticipation of us coming out and knowing he’ll be out of there soon. Although this has been extremely difficult for him and for us, Matthew wouldn’t change his decision. He has experienced so much growth from this professionally and personally. He sends his love to all and hopes everyone is doing really well. One more update to go and Matthew is a free man again, well sort of. HAHAHA
I just want to take moment and thank so many of you again for your love, support and patience with me. This has not been easy, but in the end I know it will be worth it. Thank you for loving my husband and being there for him during this difficult time. We really know who we can count on and we appreciate that!
Thank you, and HOORAH single digits baby….9 days left to go!

Airman Hardman - Update #6

2011-05-31T12:46:00.002-06:00

Hi All,

We are now down to 15 days before we get to fly out to see Matthew. I cannot tell you how hard it has been to be without him, but mostly to have nearly no contact with him. Anyone wanting to complain about how hard life is with a spouse, I dare you to try not having one for a minimum of 2 months or 8. Although this has been extremely hard, we both are really trying hard to stay positive and look at the good. All I know is Leilaa has come pretty close to meeting Grandpa Hardman and all her other family on the other side, but we are all still alive and she is breathing today despite her death wish this morning.

Well as for Matthew, now that he has accomplished putting together and taking apart his M-16, he is now working on accomplishing doing the same thing but bind folded. Reminds of Major Payne…Great movie! I love hearing how much fun Matthew is having playing with his guns…HAHAHA!

For today Matt is asking for prayers for a few things. This week is the infamous BEAST week. So his flight is dropped off out in the middle of nowhere and they have to do whatever it is they’re supposed to do. It’s incredibly hot and they don’t know what to expect. In addition, Matthew is praying for his flight to receive honors. With honors, Matt will be given an additional day out on the town and an award. Matthew did receive an additional ribbon for honors in his shooting, so he is really happy about that. However, receiving honors for graduation is much more honorable and he prays for the strength of his flight to pull themselves together and accomplish it. We were only allowed our normal 15 minutes this Sunday due to more Airman fighting. When one or two men mess up, they all suffer. Matt is also still doing well physically and in his studies. However, he still asks for prayers that his body will continue to hold up and that he will test well.

Since we didn’t get much time to talk Matt didn’t have a whole lot to report on. He did say that he lost his temper again on some guys, but didn’t swear this time. HAHA so he’s proud of himself for controlling his words. Besides that Matt just gives his love to everyone and hopes you all are doing well. 15 more days to go and then Matt will slowly be able to start coming back to reality and will be able to email, call, text, and Skype with family. Only two more updates, until next week!!

Good Times

2011-05-29T13:49:00.006-06:00

My sister-in-law asked if I wanted to go see John Mohr at WiseGuys. So she called in a little hookup and go tus in for free. It was a great show! After the show, we got to take a picture with him and chat with Mohr and the other comedians. GREAT NIGHT!
I love this little lady!

************************************************************
FOOD HAPPINESS PARTY

My friend Imara came over to that we could make the Cafe Rio house dressing. We both decided to eat the food more as lettus wraps then as salads. OMG, we made love to our food until we could no longer eat. It was so dang good! From this little get together, we have now decided that we are going to have Food Happiness Parties. Yeah you can say it's a potluck, but the food prepared will be that which you can't make often due to calories. The objective of the party will be to endulge in the foods you absolutely crave. Now that life has calmed down a bit, we shall now plan the first offical Food Happiness Party. Thanks Imara for the inspiration.

Airman Hardman - Update #5

2011-05-25T12:16:00.001-06:00

Hi All,

Every week I am more and more impressed with Matthew and how strong willed he is. Last week it appears that Matthew was sent to the gas chamber. The men/women first started off with their masks on, to get used to the feel and breathing of it. Matt said that part was fine, however after a minute they were forced to remove their masks and then breath in the gas. In Matt’s own words, “apart from the stinging eyes, burning skin, foam coming out the mouth, burn in the throat and face on fire every time you touch it afterwards, it really wasn’t that bad.” Of course not Matthew, of course not.

Well, it appears Matt was entrusted with few responsibilities over the last couple of weeks. One, Matt was put in charge over 3 “special men” who can’t seem to do anything right. Supposedly the instructors are having a very difficult time with them as well. Since Matt is one of the top in his class and due to his age, his instructor put him in charge of the boys. One of the boys is from Puerto Rico and Matt believes that he is trying to get held back so that he doesn’t have to go back home. Matt said, “It’s sad when once man’s hell is another man’s heaven.” Matt has always been extremely compassionate towards others, so I know he’ll do great with those “special men.” Second, Matt was put in charge over his medical group. Since he is the only one with any medical experience he was chosen. Go Matt! Also this last week, Matt and his flight had to put together and take apart their M-16’s and guess what? Matt is the fastest in his flight. He can do it in 45 seconds. GO MATT AGAIN! His instructors were way impressed.

I truly am so impressed and proud of Matthew. He always knows how to make his situation work regardless of how hard or easy it is. From my understanding, Matt has become a respectable ally to the men. Due to Matt saying his prayers every night, going to church, and trying to be a good example the men call him Padre. Well last week I guess Matt finally had a little snap. A few of the men in their flight constantly slack, therefore Matt and the other men have to do push-ups due to their slack. I guess two men were fighting again and Matt yelled, “Stop acting like freaking woman and just do your job.” Perhaps one little expletive slipped out there somewhere. However, the entire room got quite, the men stopped, looked at Matt and were in shock because he never yells or gets in the middle of things. At that point, Matt’s instructor poked his head around the corner and said, “Good job Hardman, about time someone takes charge.” Nothing else was said or done, but Matt was happy to at least get a little recognition from his instructor.

All in all Matthew is doing well. This is certainly extremely hard on him, but as always he is making the best out of it. I just can’t wait for Leilaa and I to go see him and give him all the attention and time he deserves. This has been so hard, but in the end I truly believe it will be worth it.

As for myself, I want to apologize to everyone for not being around. As most know I have a huge case in trial this week that has been in the works for 3 years. I have been slammed working late and weekends along with my other daily and family responsibilities. Therefore, by the end of the week I have little to no time. Once this week is over, everything will calm down a ton and life will start to get back to normal. Please know that I am not ignoring anyone, I am just beat and exhausted on multiple levels. Anyways, I certainly appreciate those who call and email me to check on us. I appreciate you reaching out to me and understanding how crazy things are right now and loving me through it. Thanks for just being there, you know who you are!

Well until next week all. Have a fabulous week and weekend! 3weeks till Texas...YAHOO!

Sister Graduates- Go Krista!

2011-05-22T18:03:00.005-06:00

My sister did it. She has been in school full-time for the last two years trying to complete her bachelors in biology and chemistry to continue on to PA school. This is has been such a hard road for her due to having two little boys to take care of. Graduating pre-med isn't easy to do, but she did it and we are so so proud of her. We threw her a party, covered her in lei's and spoiled her with money. We love you Krista and are so proud of you!

Projects

2011-05-22T17:39:00.004-06:00

Before Matt left we had a list of projects to do. The two major ones were the frame for the mirror and Leilaa's room. Now Leilaa's room was actually my fault. I could not find the right bedding or anything the I loved. Everything felt too "big girl" for me or it was really expensive. Although I enjoy nice things, my daughter is only 4 and I try stay conservative.

Matt finally got the frame done with his Dad and I finally found a bedding a curtains I loved. FINALLY!

Airman Hardman - Update #4

2011-05-15T20:36:00.005-06:00

Four and a half weeks left to go until Matt is out of BMT.

For our Sunday visit, believe it or not, we got to talk to for almost 30 min. You heard me right, 30 min. It was so wonderful! Matt first started to text me and he sent a picture of his bald head, the picture wasn't very good otherwise I'd post it. Matt was able to text because he was waiting for all the other guys in his flight to get their phones, they all have to call together. When he finally called I just started to cry. This last week had been extremely hard on so many different levels and emotions of gratitude really hit hard due to the love, support and graciousness given to my family from a few unamed individuals. Matt was so wonderful and talked me through it all and told me I am strong and I can do this. Matt too told me he started to cry when he read in my letter this week what the individuals did for our family. The guys in his flight thought something bad had happened. Matt told them of the graciousness of these people and all the guys thought it was way cool. Sorry that I won't disclose more, this one isn't for all the public.

Matt told me that this week he and the men will be doing more obstacles and will be going to the gas chamber. YEP! All the men will be gased so that they know what it feels like. Matt just said, "I'm actually excited for it." Of course you are my love, of course. BMT is starting to become routine and he is definitely ready to get out, but he is learning a lot and his level of appreciation towards his family is growing more than he ever thought possible. He really looks forward to us going out and spending time together, finally!

Besides this report, there wasn't a whole lot of new information he gave. I have a long letter he sent me with more of what his day is like and I will share that later when I have more time to update. For the rest of our conversation it was about us and our family. Matt gives his appreciation to my mom, his dad, Nathan Muirbrook, and little bro for taking the time to write him, he really appreciates it. As for everyone else, he loves you and misses you too.

Airman Hardman - Update #3

2011-05-09T12:02:00.000-06:00

Hi All,
I guess this last week in Texas was a little cold so a lot of guys in Matt’s flight got sick, but he is on the mending and feeling better. Matt is enjoying attending church there, but it is really quite since there are no kids. However, he only has 2 hour church and enjoys that part.

Matt is doing really well and is in the top 10% for his physical fitness and is really getting into shape. (Yeah for me!) HAHAHA! His flight is preparing for beast week (the week out in the wilderness). Matt is not looking forward to it because it is going to be so hot. Maybe they’ll luck out and it will rain a bit. The guys are learning how to take care of themselves with practically nothing and how to fend for themselves.

Matt said that he has made friends with everyone even those he doesn’t care too much for. I told him of course he would, Matt is always the bigger person and befriending everyone. The guys there are really young, Matt’s the 4 oldest. So often the guys start fights and he and a few others have to break it up.

Matt is definitely learning how to be extremely meticulous, but doesn’t plan on bringing it back with him. I told him he better! HAHA! Jk. He is studying a lot still and feels he will do well on all his testing.

Matt really looks forward to us coming out and can’t wait to hold Leilaa. He misses her so much.

As for now, everything is pretty much the same. Matt sends his love and appreciates the letters from those who have wrote him.

To My Mother

2011-05-05T22:03:00.005-06:00

~28 Reasons Why My Mother Naomia Mae Bell is Amazing~
Since I've been blessed to have such a great mom for the last 28 years of my life. I thought I would share 28 reasons why she is so amazing. Although these few words of love and appreciation will never be able to really express my graditude to her, I thought I would try.
1. My mother gave birth to 8 great children.
2. My mother achieved her Bachelors and two Masters after having her 8 children.
3. My mother plays the piano and organ beautifully.
4. My mother is an amazing seamstress.
5. My mother is one of the best cooks I know.
6. My mother has always remained a strong member of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
7. My mother has worked hard for years to provide for her family.
8. My mother gives the best advice.
9. My mother is the most giving person I have ever known.
10. My mother makes friends with everyone.
11. My mother loves every single one of her 20 grandchildren and her one great grand child.
12. My mother constantly sacrifices her down time for everyone else.
13. My mother is extremely forgiving.
14. My mother creates a beautiful home, filled with the spirit.
15. My mother sacrifices a lot to help her children in times of crisis.
16. My mother calls her children frequently to make sure we are okay.
17. My mother reaches out to anyone in need and helps without being asked.
18. In my mothers home, no one is ever a stranger.
19. My mothers is always there, always!
20. My mother has well more than her 8 children that consider her a Mother.
21. My mother is strong.
22. My mother is patient.
23. My mother loves me.
24. My mother is loved be anyone who meets her.
25. My mother loves my husband and cherishes him.
26. My mother loves my daughter just as much as I do.
27. My mother always knows what to say at the right moment.
28. Last, but not least, I strive to take on the majority of my mothers attributes and hope to be as wonderful as her someday because she is a great example of Christ Like Love.
This is my AMAZING mother and I love her dearly.
I love you mom, with all my heart!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Family Photo's Feb 2011

2011-05-02T10:07:00.000-06:00

We took family photo's back in February, but I forgot to post them. We had a lot of fun tracking around in the snow and playing together. These were taken down by the Provo River.
I am extremely blessed to have such a wonderful husband and daughter.
He is so good looking!
My little girl is so beautiful!Matching Girls This picture is so precious! She adores her Matty Daddy.This is Leilaa's face with no smile. It looks like she is mad, hahaha!I Love my girl's so much...they are so precious!

Airman Hardman - Update #2

2011-05-01T20:32:00.000-06:00

Hello Friends and Family,
Our wonderful Private Hardman is doing well. He is really looking forward to this week. I guess this week he starts combat fighting and crawling through tunnels and beating each other up. Of course Matthew would be looking forward to that, who wouldn’t!
Matthew misses being home, but he is getting into the routine of things. His studying and physical fitness is going well, but he is looking forward to it coming to an end. He says that after this experience he will have no problems cleaning up and helping out. Supposedly the men have to be in perfect dress, perfect beds made, perfectly organized drawers, no dust anywhere, everything in mint condition. So home life is much better than being at BMT. However, Matt sounds up beat and seems to be enjoying the moments.
Matt has become good friends with his bunk buddy and he has been attending church with Matt. Good old Matt always sharing the gospel, such a good man.
Matt loves receiving letters. Since I send him one every day many of the other men are jealous because they don’t get them as often and some have not received letters at all. So this morning I took the time and sent 10 additional letters for Matt to hand to anyone who has not received a letter or is in need of one. I can only imagine how hard it must for those men who have not heard from a loved one. I didn’t ask him if he’s received letters from others, but I hope many of you can write.
Well Matt is really excited for graduation and for his family to come out and see him. He sends his love and hopes all are doing well. Just 6 updates to go and then we get to see him.

Airman Hardman - Update #1

2011-05-01T17:48:00.004-06:00

Hi Everyone,
One Sunday down, 7 more to go. I won’t lie it’s been a really tough week, but I have had a lot of support from my family, ward members, and friends. It’s always surprising to see who comes forth to help when hard times arise. So thank you to those who have without asking.
Well, Matthew has made it through week zero. During this week, it’s the Commander’s objective to break down the men. The men wake up at 4:45 to the Commander’s yelling and blowing a loud horn. They only have 5 minutes to eat their meals during breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Matt says the food is good, but he never gets the chance to really taste it. So it wouldn’t matter if he was eating crap, couldn’t taste it anyways. HAHAHA!
Matt quickly mentioned that this experience is much more difficult than a mission. He wasn’t nervous going into the mission like he is with this.
Although this is difficult, Matt’s spirits are up and he is doing well. He’s praying however more than he ever has his entire life he says. It’s constant yelling in his face and non-stop training and studying all day. At this time, the men are not given any personal time right now, but may get 15 minutes in the evenings to write a letter later on. So for now, we only get our 15 minute phone call once a week.
Matt is doing well on his physical fitness. He has shaved off two minutes already on his mile and a half run, and he is well above average on his pull ups and sit ups. He hopes to graduate with honors in his physical fitness. As for his academics, he says that they are intense. A lot of studying and memorization, so he is praying he does well and passes. Please pray for him.
Matt mentioned that at about week 6 or 7, they will be sending the men out to the wilderness for a week. They must fend for themselves, but will be given water and MRE meals, but no showers or anything. Since Matt loves camping, I hope he does well with this. It’s been extremely warm, 104 the other day. When it’s that hot, they don’t allow the men outside. So to be sent out there for a week, I can only imagine how hard it will be. I know our prayers will be appreciated when that times gets closer and also to help him through the academic stuff.
In addition, Matt is not allowed to receive anything other than letters in the mail. No pictures, packages, nothing. So those who are willing to write, letters only. I know he would love to hear from all of you at least once. If you want to send a letter, but don’t want to go mail it off. You can email it to me and I would be happy to send it out for you.
Although this is a great challenge for our family, we know Matt has made the best decision for himself and our family. I am so proud of him for his constant sacrifice and example to us and everyone, he truly is so amazing. Leilaa and I are especially thankful and blessed to have him in our lives.
Matt did send me a post card with his address. I did have it right, but the lines were a little off. So here it is again in the correct format.

AB Hardman, Matthew W.
322 TRS/FLT (409 Dorm A-3)
PSC3
1320 TRUEMPER St., Unit 364069
Lackland, AFB, TX 78236-6432

Oh I wanted to mention one thing. It is important that we refer to area that Matt and other soldiers are in correctly. If they are in the Army National Guard it’s Army, if it’s Air National Guard, then Air Force. People get offended when you do not say it right or know where your sibling, loved one or whomever is serving in. I know it’s not like he is in Iraq or whatever, but a Sergeant mentioned this to me. It’s a respect thing for them and honor. So for those who do not know, Matt is in the Air National Guard which is part of the Air Force. Just a little FYI...
Love you All, until next week!

Inspired Arts

2011-05-01T12:21:00.000-06:00

I walked into Deseret Book with my mom one day, looked up and saw a huge painting of the picture below. It's called "Heaven;y Hands" by Greg Olsen. It was gorgeous! For my birthday my mother gave this painting to me and ever since I have fallen in love with lds art, the artists and all types of art. My mother has several of these pieces in her home along with many more. Her love for LDS art has inspired me to collect as well. Matt and I have put together a list of pieces we would like to buy, someday though. For now, I will just admire them. There are several more that I love, but I didn't want to bore everyone for too long. Check out LDSArt.com for the religious paintings.

The world famous Monalisa.
Portrait of Mme. Rimsky-Korsakova. 1864 by Franz Xaver Winterhalter's

Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer by Gustav Klimt

The lost masterpiece by Peter Paul Rubens

Portrait of a Halberdier- Jacopo Carucci , usually known as Jacopo da Pontormo, Jacopo Pontormo or simply Pontormo

Days Followed After Matt's Departure

2011-04-29T12:21:00.009-06:00

I will admit, nothing has gone the way I thought it would. I thought I would hate being home alone and would want to stay busy busy to distract me from thinking about my husband being gone. It's all been quite the contrary.

The morning Matt left, I went to my moms so that I could sleep. This way, she could help me with Leilaa. Matt and I had not really slept for a couple of days, so I was exhausted when he left. While I would nap Matt would call as much as he could. He was told that once he reached San Antonio, he could get some food, but then would have to report to the holding room. Once he reported, that was it. No more calls or communication with family. When it came time for him to report we said our goodbyes for the last time and I cried myself back to sleep.

Eventually it came time for me to go home. I didn't want to go home because our home would be empty. I didn't want to feel the emptiness. My mom came home with me and as I walked into our home I put my hands over my face and began to cry. She helped me get situated and sat with me the entire evening, holding me when necessary. Of course all the neighbors came by to see how I was and I was actually able to talk and not ball, but they could see my watery eyes and reminded me that they loved me and will help in anyway they can.

Leilaa, my mom, and I went to an authentic Korean restaurant that evening with a friend who is in my ward, Un-ju Johnson (I heart her). While we were eating my phone rang "Mommy Daddy's calling". I have Leilaa recorded as my ringer for Matt when he calls. I frantically grabbed my purse, started crying and said hello. Matt was on the other line reading a script. I could hardly compute what he was saying because I was in shock that he was even on the other line. The script read that he was there, to never contact him at the base, who I should contact if there is an emergency, he will be sending his address in the mail, and then he hung up.
Awful right? I broke and started balling again. Then 30 seconds later he called back and said, "Grab a pen and paper and I will give you my address." While trying to find something to write I I also had to wipe the tears from my eyes, concentrate and listen. The address was super long and I was trying to write on an envelope and napkin. I asked if I could read it back and he said yes. Half way through he said, "I have to go now, bye." At that point, my heart had been ripped in half twice and I was a mess. Thank goodness that my mom was with me and Un-ju, I don't know what I would have done, especially with Leilaa there.

That night to follow and weekend Leilaa would break down crying for her Matty Daddy. I would hold her and we would cry together. We would talk about her feelings and I would confirm that he is coming back and that Matt is just working in the Air Force for a while. The days to follow, every time we pulled up to the house, Leilaa would see Matt's car and say, "Look Daddy is home!" I would have to remind her that he is away in the Air Force and she would reply, "oh yeah I forget. Mommy it makes me sad seeing Daddy's car." Oh this just killed me.

My mom stayed with us for a few days and I finally felt like I could be home alone. I wanted to be in our home alone with only Leilaa and I. It felt more natural this way. The first night alone was rough, but necessary. I cried a lot, but I would remind myself that he's only in Texas and not in Iraq; I didn't think it would be this hard. Matt and I are pretty independent people so I knew we would miss each other, but instead, we have both discovered that we rely on each other way more than we thought.

As the days have continued the thing that has helped the most is keeping Leilaa and I on our routines. She got really sick for a few days which didn't help, but remaining consistent and stable helps us both feel a little better. Through this process Leilaa and I have had amazing moments. I never thought we could have the conversations we've had with her being so young. She has totally opened up and told me exactly how she feels and has expressed herself and feelings beyond what I thought she was capableof doing. It's been nice to grow together as mother and daughter.

As for myself, I long for my husband and best friend, but am looking forward to going to see him in June. We both look forward to our 15 minutes phone calls on Sundays and I can't help but write him every single day. I enjoy being home more than I thought and we both focus on Sunday's to help us get through the week. We have a long journey ahead of us and this is just the beginning. Although this time is hard, I know we can do it and I know it's just uphill from here. I appreciate all the love and support that I have received more than words can say. I hope I can be there for others someday as they have done for me and my family.

Thank you!

Time to Say Goodbye

2011-04-28T11:21:00.011-06:00

April 19, 2011

Regardless of how hard we tried to prolong each day and enjoy each our time together, we couldn't stop this day from coming. Since January 9th we knew this day would come, but it came way too fast. We tried to prepare and anticipate how we would feel, but nothing helped when the actual day arrived. Exactly one month before Matt's leave date the tears started. Almost everyday I cried and my poor husband was so loving and patient. Repeatedly he would just put his arms around me, hold me and then we would start laughing. I have never been much of a crier, but have always envied those who are because it's a great skill to get what you want. HAHAHA! Although I was a bit of a basket case, Matt did awesome in supporting and loving me through it. He helped me get the entire house perfectly cleaned and spotless with nothing to be done in the home. This way I could just focus on Leilaa and I after he left.

Although I miss my husband and best friend more than I sometimes think that I can bare, I am so proud of him and fully support him in this difficult decision.

These are the photos of us sending Matt off and saying our goodbyes.

Driving to the airport at 6:00 in the morning. Our little Princess was such a champ.

Waiting for us at the airport was my mom, Matt's dad and his mom Karon.

You see this small little carry on? That's all that Matt was allowed to take to Basic Military Training. He was able to take another suit case, but it will be put away until after his training. Once he arrives to to the base, the Commander's go through everything and toss anything that wasn't on the list. So we made sure he only took the bare minimum.

Leilaa loves it when we hold her and let her rub our cheeks with hers. It's so cute!

My mom absolutely adorse Matthew. She does anything nd everything for

us without even asking most of the time. She is truly the best mom and mom-in-law. We love her so much!

Trying to keep it together.

Nice distraction.

I'm not sure who misses who more. Matt and his Dad have a specal bond due to the experiences they have had. It's quite unique and admirable. They both go through withdraws when they don't talk to each other 20 times a day. HAHAHAHA! Such cute love birds!

When Matt hugged Leilaa goodbye the tears began to flow. These two have grown so close these last few months that it breaks my heart for all of us to be going through this. But we must be strong and for each other.

Oh how I miss him so much.

This makes me want to cry.

I miss my best friend.

Leilaa ran to give him one last hug.

It was so hard to walk away and see him leave. I know he's not leaving to Iraq or anything, but we have never been apart for more than a few days. We love to be together and although we enjoy our time apart, we have grown to become each others best friends. I miss him so much!
Bye my sweet love, we miss you!

Airman Hardman - Update #1

2011-04-24T20:35:00.001-06:00

Busy Bees Before Matty Leaves

2011-04-21T18:16:00.018-06:00

Sunday - April, 17th, 2011

I was hesitant on posting anything about Matt preparing to leave due to me and Leilaa being home alone; I didn't want strangers knowing. However, since I have family staying with me and we are not alone. I can know post and feel at ease with sharing in this adventure.
Before Matt left, we made it a goal to spend as much time together as we could. Leilaa and Matt have grown so much closer in these last few months then I feel they have in the last few years. Leilaa absolutely adores her Matty Daddy and is his little sidekick. Its so cute!
These photo's are backwards on the dates, but it's ok. On Sunday, April 17, my family wanted to come down and spend time with before he left, I have more photo's I need to pull off my other camera. This photo below is my adorable niece Marliee and my sister. When my sister had my nephew Nicholas, I would let Nick chew on my hands and whatever while he was teething. One day, he found my chin and went to town. I know, kind of gross, but so stinking funny! Well, Marliee is now teething and we decided to let her go to town on Aunty Krista's chin. Eeew, but so cute!
Monday- April 18th, 2011
We had to get up really early to head to the base to finish up Matt's paperwork and for me to get my military id. BENEFIT'S GIVEN TO MILITARY FAMILIES : Almost Anything! Yes, I absolutely love the military discount. It rocks!
So we spent the entire morning going from building to building, person to person finishing up his stuff. Finally after we were done, we met my father-in-law at his house so he could give Matthew a blessing before he left. Then we went to Carl's Jr for lunch, and after that we went to the....DINOSAUR MUSEUM in Lehi.
We took Leilaa to an IMax film called "About A T-Rex Named Sue." It was a little graphic for her and she got scared, but we fully enjoyed the 3D glasses. Then it was off to see all the dino bones and play...

I really enjoyed watching Matt and Leilaa, they have so much together...

Dead sexy Matty love...

Then we put together dino bones on the metal wall...

GGGGRRR don't mess with the HARDman's....

And of course Leilaa had a hay day playing in the sand and water with the other kids...

While she played, Matt and I were busy making faces at the camera. We have no problem entertaining ourselves...This is our Zoolander look....

A bit creepy, I know....

Do the MONKEY...

Matt scared Leilaa to death with the shark. They took a photo together and he scared her and she ran into my arms screaming and crying. I didn't get the photo because I was laughing too hard. Good old Matt is always up for a scare. He loves to scare us all the time.

Then Leilaa dug for bones with the kids...Friday - April 15, 2011
Lehi Aquatic Center
This particular morning we decided to go swimming with Leilaa. Jack, our little neighbor boy came walking in our house and said, "Hi guys, what you doing?" We told him that we are going to go swimming and asked him if he would like to come with us. Jack jetted out the door to ask his mom, and of course he came. I absolutely love our neighbors the Gibbs. They have the cutest boys ever and are the best neighbors.
Anyways, we had so much fun with Jack and Leilaa swimming. It was time well spent together.

Later that day we decided that we took Leilaa to pick up the Tanlged movie we had pre-ordered. Along with it we got a coupon and we let her pick out a few items. Isn't she so pretty? The little girl beside her is her sidekick Nia, she's our neighbors grnadaughter. We love all the kids that around for Leilaa to play with. Best kids ever!

A Families Love - move over "Notebook"

2011-04-11T12:30:00.017-06:00

On April 3rd, 2008 we went to the home of Susan Warnick, my husband's mother. We had been dating for a couple of months, so he asked if he could introduce me to his biological mother. Prior to this visit, he didn't talk too much about her, except mentioning to me that she had some problems due to a medical mishap years ago.

Before knocking on the door Matt looked at me and said, "Don't worry about not being able to understand or keep the conversations going, I'll be there to help out. Oh and she doesn't like help, she's just as stubborn as me." The question went through my head, "What all is wrong with her?"

When Susan opened the door at first glance she appeared normal, but my observations quickly showed otherwise. She had a cane in her left hand and her right hand was clinched shut. She walked with a stiff right leg that appeared to buckle under her weight. She couldn't walk without the help of her cane or the railing. Once we reached the living room Matthew helped her into her chair and began small talk. Her speech was slurred, stuttered, and slow. Matt introduced me to her and Susan said, "Ohhhh, so pretty and tall." I replied, "Thank you."

I could tell it was difficult for Susan to express what it is she wanted to say. Many times we needed to help finish her sentences or questions. At times she would forget what she was saying and would just skip it and move to another topic. As our visit continued I closely observed Susan even more. I noticed her brown hair and how it was combed, but still messy. I saw the makeup on her face and assumed that she must apply it herself do to the uneven lines and smudges. I marveled at her boots and how they were tied despite her disabilities. I observed more closely and began to compare the different features that she and Matt shared. I noticed the same smile, the same shape of teeth, and eyes. It was fascinating to me to see the closeness in resemblance.

Our visit came to a close and Matt let Susan know that it was time for us to leave. We all exchanged hugs and kisses and went on our way. When Matt and I reached the car I asked him to explain what happened to his mom. Matt turned to me and said, "Are you ready to hear one of the saddest stories of your life?"

This is the story told me on the drive home. Although this is the shortened version, it is all the more cherished and tender to everyone involved. This is the story of Susan D. Warnick, the woman that I now call Mom:

Richard Brad Hardman was born June 20, 1956 and Susan Diane Warnick on June 25th, 1959. In 1976, they met at a disco tech called "The Wrecking Co." and became friends. Susan came from an extremely abusive home and was sent to live in a foster home. When Susan met Brad she was pregnant and decided explain the situation to him when he should up unexpectedly one night to see her. She told Brad that the father wanted nothing to do with her or the baby and she was on her own. However, regardless of the situation she expressed to him that she still wanted to be with Brad. Brad decided to remain friends and at least help Susan out with the situation and was even present for the delivery of the baby girl. During this trial in Susan’s life their love grew stronger and stronger. Although it was an extremely difficult choice for Susan, she knew she was not ready to mother a child at such a young age. Susan made the choice to give the child up for adoption. On April 17th, 1978 roughly two years after meeting for the first time Susan, 18, and Brad, 21, were married.

The two of them were known by many as being a loving and fun couple. Susan was also so friendly and loved by everyone, but she also had a spit fire attitude when she needed it. They spent their first few years together as a happily married couple before being blessed with a beautiful baby girl on June 2nd, 1982, named Hailey. Susan loved her baby girl and embraced every moment with her. She loved to curl Hailey's hair and dress her up in the cutest dresses. Life was good for the Hardman family.

A few more years passed with Brad having had completed school and holding down a full time job at Ted R. Brown and Associates as the warehouse manager, while Susan worked for Ken Garff as a secretary. Although their lives were nearly perfect with a beautiful daughter and good jobs, their lives were not yet complete. On June 4th, 1985 they had a baby boy, Matthew Wayne. They were portrayed by most as the picture perfect family and they felt like it. They had their gorgeous little girl, their beautiful new baby boy, and a wonderful marriage. Life was perfect at that moment. Unfortunately, for reasons unknown, life sometimes brings altering experiences with great despair.

On July 27, 1985, roughly one month after Matthew was born; tragedy hit this family and tore everyone's world apart. This July night as everyone was sleeping, Susan complained of a violent headache. The headache was so painful that she asked Brad to wake up and help her. Brad was familiar with migraines and figured that's what Susan was experiencing. He gave her aspirin and a cold wash cloth for her head, but nothing would help. The pain was so intense that it caused Susan to throw up. She then broke out into a raging fever, so Brad laid her in the hall way on the floor under the swamp cooler to help cool her down. Suddenly, Susan passed out. As she lay there helplessly Brad called for an ambulance and Susan was transported to the hospital on a life flight helicopter at 4:00 am. Brad was not able to go with her due to the children still inside sleeping. He quickly called the neighbors to come over and help out with the children as he rushed to the hospital to be with his wife.

Little was known about Susan's condition until later that following evening. Susan suffered from a violent brain aneurysm that ruptured on the left side of her brain. Due to the magnitude of the aneurysm, she fell into a coma. The doctors were very doubtful that she would survive or wake, but after 3 weeks she finally opened her eyes only to see her perfect life altered forever. The aneurysm left her paralyzed on the right side of her body. Her motor skills were very slow and her speech was extremely impaired and slurred. Susan's knowledge of reading and writing were no longer existent, but her long term memories of a loving husband, beautiful daughter, and new born baby were all perfectly intact.

As devastating as this tragedy was Brad had to continue working. In the evenings he would return to his wife at the hospital. Brad watched the nurses wrap Susan’s breasts due to the amount of milk that was releasing since she was unable to nurse. He sat with Susan while she went through a painful and intense rehabilitation program. After his long days at work and the hospital, he would then have to return home to his son and daughter. Brad was forced to fill his wife’s role and take care of his new baby boy and his three year old daughter. He had to get up with Matt several times at night, rock both of his babies to sleep, feed them, get them dressed every morning then leave them with Brad’s mother so that she could watch them during the day. Time went on for a while with Brad doing all he could to manage the situation to the best of his ability. Unfortunately, matters just got worse from there.

While Susan was in the hospital Brad was able to get her on Medicaid to help with expenses. When it came time for Susan to be released from the hospital a social worker told Brad that he makes too much money to keep her on Medicaid. Once Susan leaves the hospital, Brad would be responsible for the over 1 million dollar medical expenses. So the social worker told him he could either lessen his income to $385.00 and live in poverty for the rest of his life and then the state would help out, or he would have to divorce his wife and let the state and Susan’s family take care of her. Brad told the social worker that he would not divorce his wife and would find a way to get her insured.

Brad searched and talked to every insurance company he could find, no one would insure Susan and if they would, he couldn’t afford it. So Brad decided to tell the social worker that he will divorce his wife, but keep her with him in their home. She social worker advised him that if he did that, after a year they would be considered legally married and he would then be responsible for her medical debts. Brad was not left with many options. He could not take care of himself, his children, and his wife’s medical needs. So in time, he was forced to make a decision.

Brad’s heart was being torn in two. He stood by his wifes side for two years, being the loving and supportive husband we all want. Just a couple of years prior, he and his wife were so in love and on cloud nine with having their beautiful daughter and new son. Now Brad was being forced to choose between the love of his life or his children.

The decision, though painful, was clear. Brad divorced his love in the hope that he could care for his children and have the state take care of her medical needs. The outcome for Susan would be the state placing her in a medical center or with family and then the state would take care of her needs. After the decision was made, Brad had to explain to Susan what was happening, but she didn't understand. She didn't understand why her loving husband had to leave her and why she couldn't keep mothering her children. I can only imagine the physical pain Susan experienced could not have compared to the emotional hurt she was feeling in her heart.

Never did Brad at the age of 29 and Susan 26, think they would ever have to experience such a life tragedy that only continued to get worse. A marriage brought together by the bonds of love, and then torn apart by that same love that a husband has for his wife, and his children.

As it is said, "Life must go on." Brad continued on with life and remarried. He took Matt and Hailey to see their mother as often as he could. He did his best to make Susan feel involved and included in their children's lives. Brad’s efforts to make his children part of Susan’s life is evidence of the love he continues to feel for her. Susan's love for Brad is also undeniable as she still cries at the thought of not being able to be with him and her children.

As Matthew finished the story, tears filled my eyes. I was so honored to have heard this story and met his mother. I lastly remember Matt turning to me at the end and saying, "If I want my mom to keep remembering who you are, you're going to have to keep coming with me to visit her." So we got married.

This is a painful love story where the tragedy just doesn't seem to end. Brad, Susan, Hailey and Matt were given a trial and devastation that is harder to overcome than death. God loves all of his children, but gives extreme trials to those that he loves the most. I know that Heavenly Father has so much love for his daughter, Susan Diane Warnick and that he has prepared a special place in heaven for her where she will once again be with her family in total peace and love. Until then, we all continue to involve Susan in our lives as much as we can.

Brad remarried a loving wife who is genuinely caring and tender towards Susan’s experience. Both have always welcomed Susan into their home and lives just as she belongs. Susan still sees her children often, and is so proud to call Hailey her daughter and Matthew her son. I am so blessed to be able to be part of this ongoing story and share it to all that are willing to read it.

We love you Mama Sue!

P90Xing it UP!

2011-04-10T12:44:00.002-06:00

As the majority knows, my Matty is a fitness GURU. He loves to work out and stay in shape. Although tie doesn't always allow it with work, school, family etc. He somehow still always manages to look so good. Well at least to me he does. Since Matt's about to leave for Basic Training he was to achieve the Honors Ftness Award while he is there so that when we come to visit, he will get an additional day with us. YEAH! So he decided that he needs to get into even better shape and run a lot, exercise etc. Well since he is taking the initative to look so good, I decided that I need to as well. I love going to Zumba, hip-hop, boot camp, etc but the body needs more than just cardio. So my Matty challenged me to do the P90X with him. And the results are........I still have a lot of work to do. I love you my love, and really enjoy working out together, it's so fun to watching both of us shake to death. HAHAHAHA

Conference Weekend

2011-04-02T12:29:00.001-06:00

Believe it or not, but Matty had never been to conference unti this last weekend. I could hardly believe it myself so I took him. We attended the Saturday morning session, it was really so wonderful. I loved Elder Cook's talk and Elder Eyring's. All of General Conference was pretty great.

For the weekend, we decided to spend it up in SLC with my father-in-law. It was nice to hangout and have some laughs. Leilaa especially loved hanging out with her Bampa and her cousin Isaac. They made us cookies while we were gone, SO CUTE! Besides that, we didn't really do a whole lot except be lazy and Yaya and I had lots of girl time with my friends. For some reason lately, I keep leaving my camera behind and am not taking so many pictures. What's wrong with me? Oh wait, maybe my focus is on my husand leaving, that makes sense.